Home sold.


(Brooklyn, NY)

The economic downturn has upended many lives. Ours included.

Many people endure far more challenging adjustments than the separation from a building. But pain is relative and each experience should be honored without comparison. I tell myself this because I sometimes feel it is wrong to dwell on this experience, of selling our Home. I need to remind myself at those moments that it is okay to feel devastated and floorless and lost, to a certain degree.

I waver from day-to-day between degrees of acceptance and remorse. And bitterness. And resentment. Sometimes my mood feels like it is creeping toward depression, even. I resist that place as I know it firsthand and it is not a process I want to experience again.

Our daughters are being brave. The younger one is having a harder time, naturally. She misses the rooms. We sold a beautiful, large home with many magical aspects, special touches we added over our many years there, aspects that were personal that provided shape and texture to her childhood. She is still a child--only 10--and she misses the only Home she ever knew deeply.

Long-term unemployment forced our hand, however we sold at a profit. Many families have not been so lucky. We are living temporarily in a 2 bedroom apartment that is very nice. We lived for 14 years in a 3 story house with 15 rooms and a backyard; the adjustment is significant. We all parted with more than 1/2 of our belongings that mattered to us. This is not such a tragedy, in life we tend to gather more stuff than we need. It is not the items we miss, it is the sense of Home; the rooms where we celebrated birthdays and holidays. The stairs we ran up and down; the yard we re-shaped dozens of times over the seasons.

Writing about this event and the attending grief makes it sound trivial. And I thought the opposite would happen. I thought it would help me to feel better, to describe how much of a failure I feel like; that I was not able to keep from having to part with something that was so meaningful to all of us. I thought it would feel good to admit that I cry deeply, and often, pining to walk through the rooms I carefully designed and appointed.

We still have not found jobs and we are living just a few blocks away from our beloved house...the house that is not ours anymore so I should begin this process by not referring to it as 'our' house anymore. We live just about 8 blocks or so from the house we sold that was our Home. Which means I have to see it or be near it regularly enough for me to feel worse perhaps than I would if we were not near it. I don't know. I am feeling unclear about many things.

I am deeply sad and I feel lost, mainly. But we need to provide structure and calm and direction for our girls so I have to put a good face on all of this and I am trying. It does not always come-off though and they are beautiful sols who reach out to tell me, 'It is ok Momma if you feel bad. We understand.'

Comments for Home sold.

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Sep 19, 2012
Home sold part 2
by: Doreen U.K.

This is my second posting due to space running out. You should not feel a failure. You were a casualty of the economic crisis. Countries are going bankrupt. Who are they going to blame. You did what you had to do to survive by selling your family home. That is a wise thing to do. In our trials we learn from the past. It is a habit to accumulate much more than we need. It is human nature. We like to be surrounded by lovely things. If we can afford it at the time. Why not have it. BUYING is not negative. BUYING. Creates employment for people making the goods we buy. If we didn't buy they wouldn't have a job to go to each new day. When people stop buying goods then you get unemployment. But YES! we still could live with less. This came home to me when I buried my husband. HE LEFT IT ALL BEHIND. This makes me face REALITY. I am busy taking all our clutter to the charity shops. Your children will have new memories. Many people lose a business and manage to rebuild this up again, but wiser for the experience. We learn from our tragedies. It makes us stronger people. We change from what we learn from our trials. We become wiser and better people. We become less selfish and learn to GIVE to help others. YOU SOUND LIKE A WISE WOMAN/MOTHER. You just need a job and then things will start looking better. My daughter was without a job for 2yrs. She lived off her credit card and now she is in deep debt. I paid off her first debt. I leave her with the big one. She has to do this for herself or she will learn nothing from this experience. My daughter's debts were not because she wanted things. It was just living from day to day paying for her car so she could get to a job and paying for petrol. This is the reality of the world we now live in. Life is difficult for everyone. Don't beat yourself up. The bankers should beat themselves up for their greed and poor management plunging society into a crisis where business's are closing. People are losing jobs and homes as a result. The responsibility lies here. I hope life gets better for you all and that you remember that GOD IS OUR SOURCE.

Sep 19, 2012
Home sold
by: Doreen U.K.

I am so sorry for your loss of your HOME, with all its memories and joys of being a FAMILY. Losing a HOME is indeed a significant loss in anyone's life. We need a roof over our heads. In life we keep losing people, homes, jobs, and our sense of SELF seems to become eroded from each loss. We pick ourselves up and salvage what we can of our broken lives. Whatever the loss it does affect our lives greatly. When we have children it hurts more because we as parents want to provide the best for them and give them the security they need in life to develop and be happy. We are living in difficult times and more and more people are becoming homeless and losing homes due to the global financial crisis. Governments are not coping and lives are fractured from banker's greed to make more money but plunging society into chaos and hurting families struggling to live a decent honest life. Unemployment does hurt and causes pain in families now more than ever. Yesterday my sister's husband lost his job. Just before Christmas and almost 4yrs. to retire making it very difficult to gain employment at this time. I have lost my husband 4 1/2 months ago and I am worried about each day and managing only because the prices are rising and the heating bills are becoming unrealistic. My husband worked hard to put a roof over our heads and he died with the worry that his Adult children wouldn't protect and care for this home he worked hard to build up. I made a stipulation that this home never be sold. I don't ever want anyone in our family to become homeless. The home must remain as a haven for anyone who has nowhere to live. Depression is hard to live with. So is being HOMELESS. But when I die I don't know what will happen to the home when I am gone. It is security for my Adult children. but will they honour my wishes? I don't know. My nephew was homeless and he committed suicide as his life had no direction and foundation without a job and home two of the securities we all need. I understand how you feel and the difficulties surrounding you. If you believe in God. WAIT ON GOD. God says He will never see the righteous forsaken or his seed begging bread. God is our sustainer. He owns it all. I see this home as belonging to God. He just lets me live here for as long as I need. God taught me many times to hold things loosely. Don't hold them tightly because I can take them from your hand at any time. I have to keep remembering this. GOD IS OUR SUSTAINER. GOD IS OUR REFUGE.

Sep 18, 2012
I think I understand
by: SoSadDad

You are so right in saying that grief and sadness are relative for different people and situations. I've lost both of my daughters in the last three years, and I'd gladly trade places with you. However, you've lost your home, not just your house. It was a place of comfort for all of you. And anytime you lose something that you could not control, there is a sense of failure and loss of control. Some of my fellow bereaved parents get upset if someone tells them they lost a dog, or lost a house, I'm sure. But I've always said that just because my leg is broken, it doesn't keep someone else's stubbed toe from hurting like heck. Your loss is real, and I am very sorry for you. I guess the advantage you have is that you can begin again, rebuilding the finances, and working towards better days (assuming you can find work!). And you can still make an apartment a home. I wish I could start over with my daughters, but I can't. Hang in there, and keep finghting, for you and your children.

God bless you!

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