Hope (still) Loves Paul

by Mrs. Hope M. Holt
(Not happy in Tappy)

Our Anniversery Alone :(

Our Anniversery Alone :(


My Love,

Today would have been our 18th anniversary. I am trying to make that huge leap in words from Today IS our anniversary to Today WAS or would have been our anniversary.

You would be proud of me, I did not cry once last night as 2011 approached. I kept it together for boo. It was an act of courage I did not think myself capable.

I Still Miss and Love you. I do not think that will ever disappear but hope that it will someday allow me to start a new life without you. Besides grief it self escaping the grief and loneliness without you is one of the hardest things I have ever attempted.

wish me luck from above, I know your watching :)
Love You Miss You
Your Wife (still)

Comments for Hope (still) Loves Paul

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Jan 04, 2011
Pat (still) Loves Joe
by: PatJ

I posted a blog a few days ago about whether to continue to wear (or not to wear) our wedding rings. The overwhelming response was to wear them as long as I want to.

I'm very proud of you. I didn't do so well on New Year's eve. It's only been one month for me so everything is still traumatizing at this point. I will always love my husband (as you love Paul). No matter where my life goes in the future I will never stop loving Joe. He was my best friend and soul mate for 37 years (married 36 years last August).

God's blessing to you Hope in 2011. We must stay strong.

Jan 02, 2011
a year later
by: Jen

A year later and you have come so far.
Im sure you can look back and see how far indeed you have come.
Be proud, smile and know that you have achieved so much. Im a year further down this journey than you are and i know your doing great.

There is a huge big wide world out there (Lets face im sitting in Saint Patrick country of Northern Ireland and im talking to you!! How mad is that??)

Keep it going. We can find a small piece (or peace) of that lovely world again. Cant we??

Go on give me a smile your doing a good job!!


Jan 02, 2011
Grief has swallowed me...
by: HH

"We find a place for what we lose. Although we know that after such a loss the acute stage of mourning will subside.

We also know that we shall remain inconsolable and will never find a substitute. No matter what may fill the gap, even if it be filled completely, it nevertheless remains something else"---Sigmond Freud (1961) On Grief and Melancholy

I posted that a year ago trying to find an answer to grief. How long will this last? How much pain can I endure. It can't feel worse than it does now. I wan't to get off this horrible ride of grief. I cannot do this anymore.

So...A year later, there is no answer. You cannot step out of grief as though it were an elevator that you want out of.

You need to tire of grief and the control it has over your mind and you body. But at that point you have grown accustomed to the very thing that you detested. It is harder to step away from the thing you swore you would never get used to.
But I will try, I want my life back though it will never be the same life I loved...

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