Hi my name is Vickie, and I lost my twenty-six yr.old daughter two yr's ago in an awful car accident. I came here to this site because I am looking to find support and for the understanding that only those who have lost a child...can give. I did join another grief site about a month after my daughter died but I found that I was only feeling more depressed and sad after being there that I quit. I found many of the parents to be more in need of help I felt of a therapist-almost suicidal. Please do not misunderstand me-I realize the depths of their pain, of all of us who have suffered the ultimate loss. I know just talking about your child can be very helpful but I needed to grieve and at that time I felt it wasn't healthy for myself.
Now here I am a little over two yr's since I lost my beautiful girl and I am still breathing, working, and mostly sane. That night when I went to the site where my daughters accident was and I waited all through the night for them to pull her and her car up from the water treatment plant/pond- I didn't think I would get through the next day, or the next week. I kept thinking to myself how many times I had told myself, if I ever lost one of my girls I would Die! I had heard other people in my life say the same thing but you don't...You want to, you wish you would because then this horrible nightmare would be over. You would be able to see your child again. Hold them and hug them...never let go of them. I stayed off work for three weeks and decided I would be better working. I work with special needs children and I found it was better therapy than just sitting at home. Some days it took all my strength not to burst into tears. I wanted to just cry and there were times I did. I would be in the supermarket and just feel the tears pouring down my face. I managed to get through the holidays. She died in late Sept. She left behind a beautiful five yr. old daughter and it was often the thought of her and her loss, the greatest of all, that kept me going. Days turned into weeks and weeks into months and now..it has been two yr's. Two yr's ago I would have never believed I would be able to write this. Is life as it once was? No, it never will be. Do I miss my daughter? Like crazy each and every day. Do I ache so much that I want to give up? Yes, but not as often. Am I happy? I am finding that I can laugh more and that I have more better days than bad ones. I just want to tell those of you who especially who have recently lost your son or daughter, it will get better. You just have to take it day by day, or hour by hour, or at the pace that works for you. Life will Never be the same for me or my family, but we are trying to find a way to do more than just muddle through the pain. I hope peace will be with all of you. Thank you, Vickie