by Annie

I lost my husband of 31 years on December 21, 2010. He was diagnosed with cancer on July 27th so I did have almost four months with him. People say at least I had that time with him but I was too busy taking care of him, trying to find the cure for cancer and watching him deteriorate further every day. This situation that is called "Grief" is so hard. It has been over three months since I lost him and it is harder now. I guess the numbness has worn off and reality is setting in. The lonEliness is over-whelming. I miss him so much. I did start going to grief therapy and that has helped. I have learned that this society does not understand, talk about or honor grief. A lot of my friends and family can't understand why I am not "normal" again after three months. This just adds additional anxiety on me. My head tells me to get on with my life but my heart does not want to. It is like my head and heart are in conflict. My heart is broken and there is no bandages, pills or surgery that can fix it. So I will continue with my therapy and hope one day I will be "normal" again.

Comments for Hope

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Mar 30, 2011
by: Brenda RichisonAnonymous

The best thing you can do for yourself is let the healing process take its own time. I lost a 26 yr. old son July 8, 2004 and if it wasn't for this website, the comments from the people, group therapy, a good psychiatrist, meds, I'd been locked up a long time ago. July will be 7 long yrs. but it seems like yesterday and always will. At least I am able to function doing daily activities now. Nights I still hurt and cry, but not like before. Don't let anyone tell you that you've had long enough to grieve, cause there is no time limit on death. You'll be in my prayers. God bless. Brenda brichison1@yahoo.com

Mar 30, 2011
by: jules

I understand your position only too well. I lost my husband of almost 40 years 16 months ago, and I still miss him every day - I think I will forever. But - I have come a long way, I know I have, for the first, probably 4-5 months, I felt so confused - couldn't make a decision, so made some bad ones - I was lucky, I had my daughter to support me, emotionally. Without her being nearby I would have never got through the last 16 months.
This site has been my sounding board, I have been able to talk about things here that are so hard to say to anyone else - my friends have moved on - this didn't happen to them - I have made a new life for myself, new friends, some of whom don't even know I am a recent widow, and I live a good life.
Please use this site, come as often as you need, there is always someone to welcome you, listen to you, advise and support you. The "Lost Spouse and Partner" section is wonderful - if you go back and read some of the contributions, you will see how some of us have grown stronger. This will happen to you too, you will get past the gut wrenching grief, find yourself getting calmer, but there is no time limit - some people take years to feel "the new normal" -
Remember - every day one step, one breath
take care

Mar 29, 2011
by: Anonymous


Your former life, your normal is gone. This fact will not hurry grief nor can grief be hurried. Three months is not long at all. The reality is just settling in. continue to go to your grief groups and come here to vent. We know what you are going through better than most having gone through it ourselves.

You will try to find out if you are handling grief properly/normally and there is no right way to survive grief either.

Further down the road you will find ways to cope allow yourself things little things to make you happy and your new normal is just accepting yourself and finding some peace within yourself.

It is not easy and a long hard journey. You will not even notice that you are getting better at all at first. The people here are wonderful and will help you through the rough spots.
My best to you and come here often even just to read...

Mar 29, 2011
We'll Never Be "That" Normal Again
by: TrishJ

Our situations seem so similar. My husband, Joe, died on December 3, 2010 while waiting for a heart transplant. I've screamed so many times over the past months, "I want my old life back ~ I want things like they used to be!!"
Our lives will never be the same. We can't expect to ever go back to those old feelings. They all call it a "new normal." I have to stop living in the past (but I really don't want to right now). Now I'm in the stage of going through old pictures and having a good cry every evening. It's good to cry. I always feel so much better after.
I have a good day followed by two bad ones. Some days it's actually hard to pull myself out of bed.
I cared for my husband too. He was on 15 medications, oxygen, IV's that had to be changed every 24 hours, sterile dressing changes. I would do it all over again in a heart beat. I miss him so much. That will never go away. I think each day makes it just a little easier to remember the good times. Little baby steps. One day at a time.
God's blessings to you.

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