Hello to all my friends on this site. First of all I want to thank all of you who have commented on my posts and helped me work through this "madness" called grief. It has been eight months now since I lost Clyde, my husband, my love, and my everything for 31 years. I have gone through this "madness"; met grief head on; gone to individual and group grief sessions; read, posted and commented on this site numerous times; spent time alone getting to know me; lost quite a few friends but also made some amazing new ones; and went through the numbness, anger, the pity parties, the fear and anxiety, and cried enough to fill a swimming pool. I said goodbye to the old me and my old life.
I have put my house on the market and will get back into the job market Monday with my new job. My days are better now with the occasional breakdowns less often. I am still on that roller coaster but it is not so painful that it knocks me to my knees.
There is one problem I do have that maybe all of you can help me with. My heart is gone. I feel like I have had a heart transplant and now I have this mechanical device that keeps the blood pumping. I don't have the intense passion and fire I used to have towards life, love and each day. Don't get me wrong, I smile now, I help people, I live but not as fully as I used to. Is this the new and grown up way of life?