How Am I Suppose to Live Without You
The New Me for 2012
It's been awhile since I've been here. These last 2 days have been painful and a lot of soul searching.
I was telling a friend or I should say explaining what my life was to a friend from long ago, how I believed Billy and I were together and then how it ended. The days change, the words change but my heart still misses my true love. How do you step from the darkness into the light of life?
The bad days have been less because of a friend from long ago that I've been talking too. Funny how the memories bring back happiness and then sorrow. I feel like I've been crying for days and I'm back to square 1. I was doing so well or so I thought. 1 year 6 months and I can see it like it was yesterday. I try to look at the happy memories but the sadness invade my thoughts and mind pulling my soul into the darkness of wanting and missing Billy. Daylight is an illusion of the night of desperation, a wanting of me to be with him.
I have a friend that's working his way into my life and my heart. A friend of long ago we both knew together. He's kind and concrete to my heartache and pain.
I wonder if this a "Godwink" from Billy, to show me there is life out there and I can't forever lock myself in a world of pain and despair. Someone fun and exciting, alive and not dead. Its a brutal reality, I can't stay with Billy but I must walk and talk in the real world, the land of the living.
Random thoughts pursue me in the darkness of the night and in my dreams. How is this suppose to end? Doesn't anybody know what the final chapter is? Why do we have to die to finally know the truth? This has been a hard couple of days, but I know my friend will be there to talk and let me know it's ok to be here, to be friends again and the possibility of more in my life...
1 step, 1 breath at a time ~ 1 year 6 months