how beautiful she died with the one she loved, Me!
it wasn't until my dad passed away that I could get close to my mom. He always had her attention, and it seemed that I was second in line, I decided to get to know her, find out what was special about her, and what made her brain tick. she built on 800sq ft onto my house cause she didnt want to go into a retirement home, and she helped me raise my son, who was her heart, as she would say! she would talk about her life like I never knew she was a foster child, how she grew up, high school fights, and marriage she was a very interesting person who loved games and worked on puzzles to keep her brain sharp. On the day, I would go to her side of her house, hoping to out warm my welcome,I would go and purposely talk while she was watching her soaps, and she just kept turning up the volume, then she asked me why don't I go home, I told her, I'm home and we both laugh, she'd say whats for lunch, and I say, what ever your fixing! she just shake her head, mom was the best cook after all!she was always good for joking with and can take a joke something most people cant, we joked around all the time, after her not kicking me out of her house I finally went next door, we always talked through out the day so I wasnt surprised that she called me at 3:01am, But to tell me to call 911 cause she was having trouble breathing, I said are you sure, she said call 911! I told her to open the door cause I'm coming over, when I went over she was just standing there, as I was giving the dispatcher the address, I quickly told her to get something on,she retrieved her night gown and sat on the couch,I put her head through and she put up her arms and then she threw herself back on the couch, and I saw a look in my mothers eyes that I have never seen before,I pulled her towards me and realized she wasn't breathing, I said mom, mom stay with me, mom, I then saw my husband coming in the door I threw him the phone< i mean threw it, and yanked her arm down to the floor, don't ask me how I got this 280lb woman to the floor I just did and told her to stay with me, and that I love her just stay with me! there was foam, bubbles coming out of her mouth and nose, but I had to get pass that to perform CPR, I remember to count and pinch and nose and head tilt back from when mom and I worked at the daycare, I was very hard and strenuous, as I did CPR I saw myself stand there watching myself doing CPR and walking around as I watched myself performing CPR on mom, it was so out of body experience, the adrenaline as crazy, doing CPR on someone is no joke, it takes alot out of you, and I felt a drunk like high, when the paremedics got there and was telling me to get off of her and let them go there job, I knew she was gone, I knew it, they were in there with her which seemed like 1hr I checked my phone to see how long the whole ordel took and it was just two mins, which seemed like 2 hrs.I was hoping that I did everything right. As they took away from the house to put her into the ambulance, I could have sworn I heard her call my name, I know this sounds crazy but it is true, a friend of mine told me the pink and tan bubbles was she was having a heart attack and the heart stopped beating the the bubbles were her cells coming out, it was good to know that I tryed my best to help her, and glad I was there, instead of beating my self up later wishing that I could have helped, there were two doctors standing there when we were at the hospital and was complementing how she picked the best way to die, I was so confused but they say she did not suffer and went quick, and with her eyes closed she was not in shock, or scared, I'm gonna miss her alot, not a day goes by that my 14yr old son talks about her, Sorry if I was rambling, I'm sure someone out there understands me, for I have been struggling,and some people are just down right mean, theres only few I can talk to, I cry everyday, but some days are better than others