How can I do xmas

by Kay

I can't think about xmas. When I hear singing of xmas carols or see a shopping center all decorated up I just have to run away. It cuts through my heart like a knife.

I can't do xmas without you my darling son, it's way too hard. I miss you so so much, your smile, your laughter, your love. Last xmas you spent holidays away and when you rang me xmas day you swore you would never spend xmas away from family and friends again. That was not to be my darling....You live on in my aching heart. I adore you. The person I was is no more, a part of me has forever gone...and my heart will forever have a hole, an empty space that feels as big as the universe at times. I miss you so much Deano. love for eternity Mum xxx

Comments for How can I do xmas

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Jun 20, 2011
No More Happy Holdays
by: MOM

I had only one child and he always told me I was the most christmasie person ever. We always spent Christmas at my Mothers with our entire family and then she passed away. My oldest brother lived in her house so we kept our tradition by still going there. The next year he was gone. Our tradition was over as we knew it. So we all had Christmas at our own homes apart from each other. I was the youngest and it was very hard for me. But I had a wonderful husband, a loving son, his wife and 2 grandsons that my son had adopted. Even though I missed my brothers and sister I still had a nice Christmas.
Now it will only be me and my husband his wife is leaving and will take the boys. I can not get by without him though the holidays. I know I will have no more Happy Holidays only heart ache.

Dec 19, 2010
Blue blue Christmas without you

I know that when I first heard X-Mas music playing I felt my stomach lurch upward. I just had to leave the store. Certain songs were worse than others. Don't put yourself anywhere that you are not comfortable. This is my 2nd Christmas the last just after hubby died, I was numb and went through the motions. It hurts much more this year. Here is hoping that you manage to gain some strength day by day and know that we are here for you always. We truly know the pain that goes with the holidays without those that we loved so fiercely. And the hole that now sits where contentment once was. Hoping the best for you in this long journey of grief.

Dec 19, 2010
by: Cindy

I too used to love Christmas music. I lost my husband just over a month ago and when I hear Christmas music, I just want to run away. My life will never be the same. He was my life and I miss him so very much. He took my heart to Heaven with him. I loved him so very much and he was my best friend, so when I hear Christmas music, I too just fall apart. Everyone so happy and I feel there is nothing to be happy about. My life is just empty....

Dec 18, 2010
Me Too
by: Pat

I too am having difficulty joining in the season. I see so many happy couples strolling through the stores and I miss my husband so badly. I have to stay strong for my children and grandsons. They miss him too I know. Christmas should be a joyous happy time. I'm hoping I'll make it through and maybe be able to enjoy it next year. Our lives will never be the same again and we have to do the best with what remains. Bless you.

Dec 17, 2010
To Pat, Kay and Friends,
by: Anonymous

I agree,
It is difficult to say, "Happy Holidays" to those we meet, even when they say it first. Do I want to sound like a scrooge and grunt in return? It is no longer a season of making family memories when the son I loved and lost to suicide is no longer with us. It is not fair or just and nothing can bring him back. It is hard to go on though I have managed to, by God's grace. He is the only one who can put a smile on my face, a spring in my step and kindness in my heart toward others. Actually...He is the only one who can do it no matter whether I have every face around the table or not. As daughters of God, may we each feel His Peace this season and all the days that follow this coming year. In His Grip, Gracie

Dec 17, 2010
by: kay

to Shirley and Anonymous thank you for your thoughts ,messages and prayers. Only for my grandchildren and my daughter I feel Life would be over for me. I also try to stay strong for them. I also read your posts shirley and wonder if our boys meet. I think of all parents battling to cope at this time of year without our children. I send to you all my heart felt love and compassion and healing. Thank you so much.xoxox

Dec 17, 2010
Christmas sadness
by: Shirley

Hi Kay..I always read your comments. I lost my 23 year old son 8/9/10 to leukemia. He was such a fighter and he had so much hope. It just hurts to know that all the plans he had for life will never be. Christmas is just another day for me. I just finished wrapping the Christmas gifts for my 4 other kids, their significant others and my grandchildren. It gave me a little bit of peace.

Last night I cried all night long because I know that Christmas is quickly approaching and I don't want to have another one without Dimitri. I hope our boys have met each other in Heaven. They sound so much alike.
Hugs, Shirley

Dec 17, 2010
by: Anonymous

I know your pain all too well, I'm trying very hard to participate in Christmas this year for my other children and grandchildren. Seems like they take my lead if I cry they cry, if I'm depressed so are they, I am trying very hard to stay strong. You are 100% right when you say the person you were is no more. No matter how much family or other children or grandchildren you have the one that's gone took a big part of our hearts with them never to have that empty hole filled again. I'll pray for and you pray for me please that we get through this. God give us strength. Pat Foster
I lost my son Sept.20th 2010 to suicide, he was 36yrs. old

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