How could this have happened??

by Barbara A.
(Los Lunas, NM, USA)

So this is my story..

We first met via Myspace and instantly "clicked". We told each other stories about our lives and ever since, went to each other for advice. We both had Significant others and quickly became the first ones each other called when we needed to vent or just talk about our day.We became best friends. We talked everyday for about three months til we decided to finally meet in person. When we first started talking to each other, I lived In Los Lunas,Nm, then decided to move with friends to Pheonix,Az just to get away. So the first visit I made home to see family, Priscilla decided she'd take a trip from El Paso-since it was only four hrs away, to come visit so we could finally meet in person. It was PURE MAGIC. Once she showed up we hugged like we hadn't seen each other in forever. It was so comfortable. I think for the first twenty minutes we sat on my bed and just laughed and stared at each other like we couldnt believe we were actually in front of each other, sharing stories like we knew how. After that visit we continued to talk everyday, even help each other through our crazy relationship problems. Then one day she tells me we couldnt talk anymore, that she couldnt be in this relationship while talking to me because she liked me more than just a friend. Which I totally understood because I was experiencing the same feelings towards her.

Weeks pass and I get an email- She was sorry and asked for forgiveness. And of course I forgave her, she didnt do anything wrong. So time goes by and we still continue to talk. both of us become single. And we make a plan that if I return back to LL, Id be closer to her and we would have to visit each other more often. So in a heartbeat I did. As I got closer to her, the closer our hearts had become. We'd even say "Our souls just kissed" every time we'd realize we were on the same page about a subject..then laugh cuz we knew we were dorks. So on Dec 10, 2010, she asks me to be hers- and with no hesitation in my heart, I said Yes. Days later she tells me she's coming to see me, and maaan my heart was skipping beats. She gets here and I take her all around town, we laugh and sing in my car, show her the mall, all the bookstores- because she loves books, To Hastings- where she bought about eight movies for us to watch, took her to Cold Stone to get her favorite ice cream.. I literally took her everywhere in my little town. I filled my stories with real life pictures of the places I had talked about, even met all my family and friends along the way. They Loved her. She stood with me until the 23d so that she could spend Christmas with her family. Christmas comes and Priscilla says that if I want her to come back she would, and of course I did- I never wanted her to leave. Her sister lived the next town north of mine so she asked her sister if she could drop her off on the way home because she had also gone home for the holidays and she agreed to so then they were set to come this way on the 27th.We were so excited! We spend all day on the phone telling each other how much we loved each other and promised that after this we'd spend ever holiday together. We even talked about how crazy it was to have found a love like ours..She texts me lyrics to our song, tells me Im the best girlfriend shes ever had. I was in love, seriously, truly.

The day finally arrives, and we cant stop going off about how much we miss each other and couldn't wait for her to get here! My family and friends said " Wow shes already coming back?"..and I said " We just miss each other too much."..and that was the truth. So then they're finally on the road and babe texts me while updating me her whereabouts. During my wait for her, mom decides to make some stuffed sopapillas because cilla would probably be hungry when she gets here. I tell Cil that moms making her food and she tells me she had never tried those before so she was excited and so I became so excited for her to try them. She texts me that she was 40 miles from socorro, which is about an hour away from my house so we both became anxious. I was running around the house making sure it was ready, fixing my hair, making sure I was all pretty for her arrival. I remember a few mins later I text her " Ahhh you're so close!!" and she texts back "Finally!"...and then " :*"..(which was a kiss.) Me and mom start talking and I soon lose track of time. I look at the clock and its been about an hour and a half since her last text. So i text her and ask where they were. No response. So I wait a while and text again. Nothing. So I begin to worry and text all my friends how long it takes from Socorro to my house and they all said about an hour- "well its been about two hours now!".. I was panicking. So I decide to call her, I called her about four times just to get her voicemail. I was freaking out. I stood up until 3am and decided to call my best friend David. He reassures me that her phone probably died or she probably fell asleep so her sister probably just took her home with her. So I get off the phone with him, stay up two more hours and make myself believe she'd call me in the morning.

Next morning mom wakes up for work and asks if Priscilla has called or texed me yet and I replied with a quick "no." So we both agreed to keep calling her phone to make sure she's okay and we'd let each other know if one of us got through. About three hours pass and I hear the front door - I quickly run up to it thinking perhaps it was cill. but it wasnt. It was Mom and David. Right then and there I knew something was wrong. So they walk in and they both look like they had been crying so I asked whats wrong and mom said I need to sit down.. I began to cry then mom finally says Priscilla had been in an accident (TWELVE miles from my house)..and she got ejected and didn't make it. If i could in-any-way describe the feelings I felt at that moment, it would be that I felt myself being suffocated. It was like the hardest punch in the stomach. I couldnt breathe. Soon after that my mom told me she called Cillas phone and her mom had answered and told her what had happened so mom decided to call her mom back and tell her she told me the news. I got on the phone and she told me she wanted to see me, so I met her here in town. I had never dreamed of meeting her mom that way.. but I did. and she told me that Cil had talked about me and I made her so happy.. then we discussed the services. They came so quick.

Even though I saw my Love there in her casket it just didn't feel real. Her mom walked me up there and told me to talk to Priscilla so I did. I told her I loved her and I was sorry this happened, I even kissed her forehead and told her that I'd see her again one day. But How come I still feel like shes on her way?? I feel like I could never move out of this house because I feel like I'd miss her. Its been a month and 25 days and I still wait for a text, or a call..even a facebook comment from her. From talking to her every single day- until one of our phones died, to nothing is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.The first couple weeks I'd call her phone still just to hear her voice, but it always made me go crazy that she wasn't answering- which made me have to remind myself what happened, so I quit calling.

I always told everyone she was the Priscilla to my Elvis.. and that she will always be.

I just don't understand how something so wonderful could end so awful.. I don't understand how one person could make you feel like you're on top of the world and be gone in a split second. Forever. She was gonna be 24 in January..and I'm gonna be 22 in April.. We planned so much. What sucks the most is being this young and having to go through this..Im terrified to see what else is to come.

I know "Everything happens for a reason"... but what was the reason for this?? to wear my seatbelt?...I already knew that one though. So now I search for Peace, knowing that I'll never know the answer to why these things happen the way they do... and find a way to be satisfied with that.
Thank you for taking the time to read this, I just needed to be heard. God Bless You.
- Barb.

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and Wisdom to know the difference."

Comments for How could this have happened??

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Feb 24, 2011
How could this happen
by: M Mack

I am truly sorry for your loss. I know the pain you are going through. Life can be so unfair and why God chooses us to be the survivor of this grief - only he knows. They say when good people leave this world they go to a better place. Know that Cil is with you in spirit and loves you very much. Hang on and take time to grieve. There are so many people going through what you are and you are not alone. My prayers for you.

Feb 23, 2011
the serenity prayer


I have the serenity prayer in needlepoint. I found it in a 2nd hand shop and put it on the wall after my husband died. I try to live by it and it is so hard. I am so sorry for your loss but am glad that you found this site there are so many wonderful people here who have helped me through the darkest days of grief. One breath ~one step thats all you can do...

Feb 23, 2011
No reason
by: Judith

The "Serenity Prayer " says it all . We must accept the things we cannot change. It's harder than hell but we must.
Thanks for the reminder.

May you find peace on your road to acceptance.

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