How could you be so cruel?

I was told yesterday that life is not fair and I must deal with the loss of Bruce. This coming from my mother who of all people should know the pain of losing your spouse; as my father passed away only two years ago. It was such a cruel comment to make. I am really battling to cope, the pain is too much to bear. I am trying to take it day by day so please do not tell me that I must deal with my loss. I am doing the best I can.

Comments for How could you be so cruel?

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Nov 30, 2010
how could you be so cruel
by: Jen


You are dealing with this awfullness of this unwanted journey and you should be proud of each hour and day you keep going.

Look how far you have proud!!

Please don't let one thoughtless comment bring you down and wreck all you have achieved..
When we are low and vulnerable it is hard to deal with, but you are doing well.

We are here and understand. Keep writing..


Nov 30, 2010
by: Zoe

It is amazing to me what people say to us. I had someone ask me how long I intended to grieve, my answer, the rest of my life.

People don't know what they should say so many times they say stupid things. Hold on to the fact that this is your grief, you will handle it your own way. No one, can tell you what or when,
all we here can tell you is one breath, one step, one day at a time. The rest of it is a rollercoaster. you cope in your own way, don't worry what others say...

And come to us as often as you need to, we are always here to listen,to understand.


Nov 30, 2010
cruel and cold
by: Judith

What she said is very cold too. Maybe she is still grieving and angry, to have said that to you. I've had people say to me "he's better off where he is" when they haven't heard of how he died. What the hell?! that's dead to me. They think they're being sympathetic but it just sounds horrible. Maybe we should reply as well "you'd be better off dead too".

When are they going to learn to just say "I'm sorry for your loss and if there's anything I can do please let me know"?

Please let your Mother know how this has affected you.

Hopefully we can all help each other to heal through this wonderful place.

Nov 30, 2010
Times Up! time to move along...

I was told to "Just move on, that's all that you can do..." Oh so simple, why didn't I think of that? And here I have been torturing my self and the simple option was to....Move on. This isn't a flea market that we are moseying along at. And at some point, time to move on. This is our hearts that are healing and you learn quick who you can and cannot talk to about it.

Probably the safest place to do so is actually here where others share the ups and downs of grief that is so maddening and frustrating. Family members are especially hurtful when you think that they are the only ones that will stand by you regardless. But I suppose that it scares them.

How many well meaning people say ohhhhh you are so strong, I just couldn't live without.....Duh this wasn't a choice it is something that we are forced to do and it sure isn't an easy road to travel. Many ups and downs and just as you think that you are getting a handle on things a memory will knock you on your butt and you feel like.... Hey I did this already, do I have to go back to steps 2-14 again?

Don't worry, we are here; talk, write, read it is safe here when all else is so utterly lonely and scary...

Nov 30, 2010
So sorry
by: Anonymous

I'm so sorry for the comment your mother made. You are doing the best you can to cope and white knuckle it through each day to survive. I don't have an answer of how to keep going. You are doing what you can and each day you will be able to get through another. Some days it will feel like there is no point because each day is so dark and grim, but God will not allow you to feel that way forever. Pray...God will help you....pray every moment you need help. I'm so sorry you are hurting so badly. The pain is almost unmanageable and feels unmanageable...I know...hang in there.

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