How could you dissappear?

by Stephanie Berrondo
(Miami, Fl)

For starters, i jknow many of you can relate... Our fathers werent perfect but he was one of the best! My father was 63 y when he got diagnosed with prostate cancer. For many years, he went to the doctor to check every year. Supposedly everything was normal til 2008 hewent to Argentina and wastold he had prostate cancer. Came back down with all the paperwork and they were gonna operate him. He recovered well..... About being a month at home and me as his nurse :-) he started saying that to give him a back rub cuz he hadsome minor pain and it only got worse. In less than 2 weeks i got him an appt at one of the best cancer treating hospitals. In the meantime, he didnt have no insurance, in the progress of recieving medicaid but i still got him in there...... Dont know how. Thought it was a miracle! Ive always been a catholic but for many years didnt follow. I prayed every single day and night. When we got the results..... It was like my blood thrned into ice....... Pancreatic cancer. Hehad fluid in his lungs.. For some reason, i felt like he was going to do a whole 360 and get better. I saw him deteriorate day by day night by night. He went from 185 lbs to 96 lbs. How could a healthy man never used drugs nor drank alcohol smoked ciggs for less than 25 years get so sick so quick??? Why did i feel so assured that he was going to pull through this? He would still ask me for the back rubs cuz the pain got worse but he was put under so much pain killers that he couldnt stay home with us no more. He started hallucinating, babbling no coherent words didnt recognize my mom or other family. But he always recognized me. I was the light of hiseyes. Then me and my mom went home to sleep for a bit and we told the dctrs call us for anything anytime. At this point he would barely be talkative or moving. At 6 something in the morning i get a call frm the dctr telling me he thinks we should come over as soon as possible...... He said he thought my dad wasnt going to wake up any more. I remember i drove like a maniac trying to get bk there to him. I ran upstairs and i went to his side and burst into tears and i hugged him. He had no strength watsoever and he opened his weak eyes and reached out to me cuz i fainted when he reacted to my touch. He looked worried the doctor came in and try to help me ( at this point nobody could). Less than a 72 hours, he didnt wake up any more. I was sleeping on the couch and my mother ever let go of his hand. In the middle of the night, my dad pressedmy moms hand and she woke me up . Isaw the look inher eyes....... We stood by his bedside and minutes later.......... He gave his last breath. He was gone. He was taken from us. Why? Its only me and my mother. He was our backbone to everything. We still needed and NEED him. He wasnt done in life! Anything that we needed or wanted he was the one to give it to us. Car accident he got me a new car in a month. Tickets he paid for it behind my back. He would cook me breakfast and put smiley faces on my plate. He was the type of guy at a party to make everyone laugh. He was a good hearted man. He wasnt a bad person, honest working. Sacrificed for his family. Why was he taken away? God has done miracles for me ....... I know he exists. Why didnt he save my father? I know the saying 'what doesent kill you can only make you stronger' i dissagree. Im the proof. I am so mentally and emotionally broken. I dont know what to do and tomorrow is my 3rd bday....... Without him. I feel this pain getting worse every year. His bday feb 26, when he passed april 5th, fathers day...... Does it get better?