How did I miss this ? & Why do I miss you...
This is a story about my best friend , my buddy , the love of my life and a really , really good man “once” … I still ask myself What happened? Did he have a stroke ? Did someone steal the man I loved and adored and replace him with this cold hearted computer nerd; as in dating sites, Craig’s list, pay by the hour listings, and web cams, throw in a little bit of messenger, and wow I thought he only knew email and eBay LOL?
Or maybe it was truly me that had somehow ignored something or missed something really important? Well I know it was me, look at all I missed !!
I truly tried to be alert, loving, and caring, heck I would and did do anything and everything for him, but somehow I still lost him 22 years later. I lost him and he lost my home, our business, our credit and the 6 day a week job turned into only 2 days a week. Wow I wonder how long that had been going on LOL… and where was he the other 4 days a week and how did I not notice he was lying and cheating and not working and spending all of our savings and 75K home loan on hookers and web cam chats and god only knows what else! The invoices where dated right the income was still right? We talked many times a day, how did I miss that ?
So now I am so destroyed and heartbroken I pack up the house for what ever reason I decide to run as far as I can, I leave the state, O.K. I know why I did it! In my mind I left for two reasons
#1.To protect the rest of the family from feeling like they had to choose sides and there feelings to have to take care of me. I am too young to have my children bare the burden of taking care of me and I really do not think their spouses would care much for the responsibility.
#2. To keep myself from doing something really stupid and landing myself on the six o’clock news.. But then what happens, my adult children blame me for leaving them! These are grown men we are talking about LOL.. Well better that then hurting them with all the drama I am walking through, god only knows what that would do to them! I know they just do not understand .
OK so then what happens 3 weeks later there she is ! They both swear they only met the day I was moving, do I believe that? 3 months later he gets my house back, gives it to her! He told me well I had my turn now its her turn !!!!! and guess who is impressed! Give you a clue not me LOL… She truly believes he is the greatest man ever to cross her path! The fact is “He is " until he changes his mind! Then he is a complete stranger… married to a completely clueless woman .
So here is my story and I guess like so many other women who have gone thru this I know somehow, someway I will make it! And life will go on, I know because I met so many other gals who have the same story. But how do I trust again? How do I not feel like I am missing something? How do I decide to take a person for what they say they are?
I started dating “ hey he taught me about the dating sites figured I may as well use them! And I must say I may be nearly 49 OK I am 49 LOL.. I was asked out a lot.. I went out with some very nice guys except then I wouldn’t answer their calls after the second phone call why you ask ? because I just didn’t think they could hold a candle to him and it's really sad to say but until the last year I had a really good life and a good marriage, or so I thought … Now I juggle every penny, try like hell to get to work and make it thru the day just to come home to my perfectly clean lonely home and cry for a man that I should be so happy that he’s gone !