How did I miss this ? & Why do I miss you...

by Tiffany
(Arizona)

This is a story about my best friend , my buddy , the love of my life and a really , really good man “once” … I still ask myself What happened? Did he have a stroke ? Did someone steal the man I loved and adored and replace him with this cold hearted computer nerd; as in dating sites, Craig’s list, pay by the hour listings, and web cams, throw in a little bit of messenger, and wow I thought he only knew email and eBay LOL?

Or maybe it was truly me that had somehow ignored something or missed something really important? Well I know it was me, look at all I missed !!

I truly tried to be alert, loving, and caring, heck I would and did do anything and everything for him, but somehow I still lost him 22 years later. I lost him and he lost my home, our business, our credit and the 6 day a week job turned into only 2 days a week. Wow I wonder how long that had been going on LOL… and where was he the other 4 days a week and how did I not notice he was lying and cheating and not working and spending all of our savings and 75K home loan on hookers and web cam chats and god only knows what else! The invoices where dated right the income was still right? We talked many times a day, how did I miss that ?

So now I am so destroyed and heartbroken I pack up the house for what ever reason I decide to run as far as I can, I leave the state, O.K. I know why I did it! In my mind I left for two reasons

#1.To protect the rest of the family from feeling like they had to choose sides and there feelings to have to take care of me. I am too young to have my children bare the burden of taking care of me and I really do not think their spouses would care much for the responsibility.

#2. To keep myself from doing something really stupid and landing myself on the six o’clock news.. But then what happens, my adult children blame me for leaving them! These are grown men we are talking about LOL.. Well better that then hurting them with all the drama I am walking through, god only knows what that would do to them! I know they just do not understand .

OK so then what happens 3 weeks later there she is ! They both swear they only met the day I was moving, do I believe that? 3 months later he gets my house back, gives it to her! He told me well I had my turn now its her turn !!!!! and guess who is impressed! Give you a clue not me LOL… She truly believes he is the greatest man ever to cross her path! The fact is “He is " until he changes his mind! Then he is a complete stranger… married to a completely clueless woman .

So here is my story and I guess like so many other women who have gone thru this I know somehow, someway I will make it! And life will go on, I know because I met so many other gals who have the same story. But how do I trust again? How do I not feel like I am missing something? How do I decide to take a person for what they say they are?

I started dating “ hey he taught me about the dating sites figured I may as well use them! And I must say I may be nearly 49 OK I am 49 LOL.. I was asked out a lot.. I went out with some very nice guys except then I wouldn’t answer their calls after the second phone call why you ask ? because I just didn’t think they could hold a candle to him and it's really sad to say but until the last year I had a really good life and a good marriage, or so I thought … Now I juggle every penny, try like hell to get to work and make it thru the day just to come home to my perfectly clean lonely home and cry for a man that I should be so happy that he’s gone !

Comments for How did I miss this ? & Why do I miss you...

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Oct 27, 2010
Just as the others have said
by: Anonymous

Just as the others have said pornography really does ruin relationships. I have had it happen to me as well with my ex fiancee who, after we were engaged, told me of his pornography addiction since 8th grade. I hoped things could get better and believed in him, but they did not. Pornography truly changes their ability to love and makes them more selfish. All the comments given are so relatable and I hope happiness can fill all of your hearts and that good men (or women if you are a man) come into your lives and we can somehow be happy again. I'm banking on a miracle :)...after all...sometimes hope is all we have.

Oct 27, 2010
I relate!
by: Anonymous

I know exactly how it feels to think you have the best man alive in your life and then they change and you cannot even recognize them! I'm so sorry. I really think he was doing something not right (sinning) and that's why he fell into this mess of being irresponsible and possiby unfaithful. I could relate to barely making it through work then coming home to a quiet lonely house. I know it's hard to date others...take your time and find someone who is truly deserving of you. I wish you the best and my heart goes out to you.

Oct 02, 2010
I am so sorry for your loss
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry to hear of what you are going through. I do understand your pain and questioning what did I miss. I had a 20 year marriage end 3 years ago and also suffered financial distress. My ex cheated on me with pornography and even though our marriage ended years before that I kept thinking the person I first met was still there, but he wasn't.

Then I was alone for 2 years and swore off men.
Then the best man of my life came from nowhere. We became best friends as well as lovers, we were together for a year and I thought it was going to be forever.

Then 3 weeks ago he broke up with me. Said he loved me but was still bitter from his divorce and had to be alone. Boy do I wonder if there really is someone out there for each of us. You hang in there. You have done nothing wrong but give your love and life to someone you thought was there for you. I wish you healing and peace.

Aug 21, 2010
Seen it Over and Over and Over again...
by: HH

I had a friend for 10 years, she is not in my life anymore. She was married long ago to a bad man, Divorced him eventually. Went straight to a man who eventually was addicted to porn sites. I rescued her 3 times once drove all the way to W. VA to get her and all her belongings. She went back to him 2 months later...

When she finally left him so called for good. She met Mr. wonderful and moved in with him after 4 months. He had the same affliction, addicted to porn lying and cheating.

I rescued her 2x and her daughter tried to rescue her but she wouldn't go. This man made a horrible disgusting move on the daughter when she was visiting. And the mother, my then friend still picked him over her own daughter....

Please start your own life without the people that try to drag you down. That is not Love it is a sentence to damn yourself and all around you.
Start anew and guess what? You don't need a man, you just need genuine friends...

This is a vicious and harmful cycle. Perhaps a professional might help. I know your friends have told you and you can't really hear the advice they so desperately want you to hear.

I miss my friend don't lose everything over a piece of garbage.

My best to your travels to a new and better life

HH

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