How do I get used to being alone?

My husband I were married for 20 years. We were best friends and did everything together with our kids. This weekend, my daughter has a drumline competition out of the state. I am driving there, with my middle son. In a perfect world we would have been going together, stayed the whole time and driven back with the bus late at night. In reality, I will go and watch only part of it and come back home. I just don't feel comfortable driving alone in the middle of the night. It makes me so sad. My friends are all married, with kids of their own, of course they can't go. I am an only child, so no sister to go with. I hate how alone it makes me feel. I am so thankful for the blessings that God has given us these last 10 months. The drumline was an answer to prayers for my daughter. I just wonder if I will ever feel comfortable going to events alone. I will enjoy being there and watching her play. I have to hold on to every positive thing, because I can't stand to live negative.

Comments for How do I get used to being alone?

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Jun 11, 2012
Doing everything alone
by: Doreen England U.K.

You have a busy life and this is a good distraction during a bereavement. Because you say you don't like being negative you will probably manage to do what you have to for your children all alone as that is what we do for our children. We carry on despite what life gives us but it doesn't stop you being human and hurting having no support or company when going to events.
My husband passed away 5 weeks ago and I feel like everyone else explains it well here and we all feel the same way.
My husband used to work all over the world as an exhibition carpenter and I didn't lie down and die because I didn't have my husband around. I got on with the joy of mothering and saw marriage as a committment and I was very committed. I spent a lot of time on my own whilst my husband travelled to other countries and counties. He did this for over 40 years and when he was due to retire he had cancer for 3 years and then died. We had no quality of time together and he was not around for our children's school plays or other functions so he missed out on a lot. I should have been used to being on my own but I am not liking it. It is a whole different experience and feeling being alone now hurts in a different way because Steve is not coming back home. The empty feeling kills me. It is how God made us. He made us for companionship and for each other. We can't exist in isolation without paying a price emotionally.
I hope eveyone is able to move now into a happier place with sharing our feelings.

Apr 10, 2011
Children's events
by: Margaret - Indianapolis

I think going to our children's events and church is the most difficult thing for me because these are the things we always did together as a family. My husband died suddenly 1 year ago due to cardiac sarcoidosis and it has been so hard this year going to church without him and going to my daughter's games, choir concerts, plays and other events. I feel so bad that he is not there to see her - how proud he would be. My oldest daughter is 10 and I have another 5 year old daughter and 3 year old son, so I have years of games, dance recitals and school plays to attend. I'm sure it will get easier with time but it is so hard right now. I feel so bad for you because I know you would have stayed longer at your daughter's drum line performance if your husband had been there. It makes me angry and frustrated at the choices we have to make as parents now that we are on our own. We can't do things the way we use to and it is not fair. My children really need their father and breaks my heart and scares me that it is all on me now. I expect it will take us a long time to get use to being alone, but we have to keep showing up for our children's events because they need us now more than ever. My best to you and your family.

Mar 26, 2011
Going alone
by: Judy

I have gone somewhere just once, to a concert and I would not have done that if my daughter hadn't bought the ticket and sent it to me. Even then I felt strange being alone, and all the couples sitting around me holding hands made me feel wretched. This was back in November when I was still semi crazy as I approached the one year mark. Now I think I could probably be more comfortable but I still wouldn't buy a ticket just for myself. I am going to try going to a movie alone and see how that feels. As for eating out alone, I am just not there yet.


Mar 26, 2011
fighting loneliness

On St Patrcks Day I had a Drs apt. It was not till 1:30 an I decided to treat myself to breakfast. It is the first time that I have eaten alone in a restaurant.

There were a coupla rednecks at another table egging on the waitress. I could not help but think...Jeese is that what companionship pickings are here in this one horse town?

I shook it off and told myself that I need to be comfortable in my own skin. To allow myself to enjoy myself alone. There was a paper left at a table close by and I picked it up for company.

Everyday that we enjoy just a little something by our selves or share a bit of conversation with another, opens us up towards happiness. It is choosing to do things that perhaps we would not normally do alone. Taking on new projects trying new things.

We can not shrug off who we were with the ones that we loved. But we can take who we are with the courage we use to grieve and go and do things
that are uncomfortable doing solo.

The only way to fight loneliness is to ignore the little voice that says But I can't do that...
Yes you can. And you can build a better tomorrow
one breath one step at a time.

Mar 25, 2011
Keep Moving Ahead
by: Patti

You sound like you are moving in the right direction. It is so terribly lonely. I went to dinner tonight with my sister and brother-in-law. I saw a woman sitting alone and cried the whole way home I felt so bad for her.
I don't like going places alone. I just don't think I could do it.
We have to be positive. Negativity kills. I try so hard to be upbeat but most days I'm not too successful. It's only been four months for me.
We have to find joy where we can and hold on to our beautiful memories. We grieve because we loved. There's no way around it.
God's blessings to you.

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