How do I go on?
I don't really know where to begin or how long my story should be. I am a young single mother, 25 to be exact, left with the raising of my two children, alone. My FIRST LOVE, SOUL MATE, BEST FRIEND, their father passed a year ago today. I was in love with a man who I met at the tender age of 16, we fell in love and although rocky at times, we with a soul connection and hearts beating for each other, stayed together until he passed. Me, a young girl looking for a way to escape the abusive, neglected lifestyle that I was raised to believe was normal (in my childhood home), and he looking for a princess and someone to love him and comfort the hurts and pains he suffered, the attention his soul desired, areas a mother, father, auntie,cousin, nor friend could soothe, we were a match made in heaven. I still believe in my heart we were soul mates.:)
Peer Pressure is unbelievable this day and age. It is sad to see how my love and other young people have gone down the evil path, to come to a sad end. In a nutshell, he struggled with drugs, starting with cocaine, experimenting with pills, alcohol, etc. He became very abusive (something he once rescued me from). Things would be really rocky at times, but he was the best father he knew to be. The children miss him so much. He was very smart. Book and street wise. Very handsome. Family oriented. Hard worker. we knew each other better than anyone else knew us, but yet there were things we didn't know. Neither one of us knew just how much the other person loved the other. :(
When I got the news that he had passed it was a frantic call from a family member. The questions I had went unanswered. The only proof was my love had passed while sleeping. I found drugs at the head of his lifeless body and knew that he had been dealing with some things the day before lying down to go to sleep. Whenever he was stressed or nervous, he would bite his nails. In knowing and loving him so, I took major notice at collecting whatever bit of info in my head to make sense of the situation.
To this day, I have no support from the family and no results have been given to me as to what happened. I don't know what the end result will be, nor why this happened to me and my children. In our young lives, we have endured so much, I have to figure out how to go from here, as well as help my children.
I went to this website looking for information on grieving and was able to share my story. The First year was the hardest. It wasn't until The coming of his year anniversary that I came to the place where I accepted the reality that he is gone. He is gone. I don't know where I stand exactly with the grieving process, I just know I am grieving. I do know that at some point, I will be okay, and things will get better for me and my children. Until then, How do I go on?