How do I go on?
Hello... It is just over 5 months since Brian died and I am going through all the stages of mourning and the world feels like a horrible place because I am all alone in it. I don't mean that my friends have not been absolutely wonderful or that my daughters ( both far away unfortunately and both grieving for their precious Dad) have not been supportive and always ready to listen............ its just that I have suddenly come to the hideous realisation that there is no-one to comfort me through this terrible pain in my heart. The one person who I turned to always and who could make the world look better from within his embrace, the one person who has comforted me all our married life, is gone forever. I held him in my arms while he drew his last breath - everyone tells me how lucky I was to be with him at the end, but to watch the person you love so much die is the most ghastly experience I have ever, ever had. I am having such an awful day today. Its raining and cold and grey and my house echoes with silence, except for my tears. His beloved voice has gone.
I don't know how to do this. There is no person except him who I need. No-one can heal this hole in my soul. I am going overseas to visit my daughter in England next week and that is the only thing that is keeping me sane. I know my girls need me but I feel as though I have nothing to give them. These tears burn like fire. Does it get better? - I keep falling backwards.