How Do I Go On?
by Mrs. Williams
My mother was diagnosed with cancer 3 years ago, so God gave her 8 children 3 years to spend with her. She was a 55 y/o great grandmother, with 5 girls & 3 boys. Everyone who has met her loved her the second minute of knowing her. My mother had a heart breaking life. She lost my father/her husband, when he was 22 (1981). My mother was unable to raise her first 4 children, due to my father passing (murdered). My sister & I were raised by our fraternal grandparents; however, when our mother needed us, due to the cancer, my oldest sister & I stepped in. We put our lives on hold, just to take care of her. I was a married-full time student, with 3 boys. I enjoy driving, so I made it my priority to take my mother to all her necessary appointments, as well as pick up her medication. I am also the most humorous in my family, so laughter came easily, when I was in my mother's presence. My husband is an international chef, so his responsibility was to make certain my mother was getting the proper nutrients. My sister was in the military, so administrative work was her focus; therefore, she scheduled all appointments & worked along with my mother's medical team. I'm sharing this to demonstrate how we all played a part in nurturing my mother. My mother wanted to leave her doctors and my home (as a good mother would) to be with our youngest sibling, who was in minor trouble. We flew our mother back to NY, where we reside, due to her health failing. She got so much better, but left again when the sibling called again. My mother went from bad to worse. My older sister packed her bags and she & her 10 y/o disabled daughter flew South, just to sit with our mother who eventually ended up in Hospice. I paid for all expenses, just to make my sister's stay pleasant. My sister sat with her for weeks, keeping me informed. I am grateful for Skype, because I was able to talk and laugh with my Mommy, during her final days. When she passed, I was devastated. She left me. Everything I do reminds me of her. I've heard I was her twin, since I was a baby. My sister tells me, "Mommy's resting and is in a better place." All I can understand is ...... My mother is in the ground, with dirt on top of her. I just want to hold her & tell her that I'm proud of her for fighting for us, for loving us the way she did. For doing what she did, in order for us to have a better life. My heart breaks, when I hear music or think about her. Tears are falling as I type this. Sometimes I feel I should have done more.