how do you cope
You don't expect it and when it happens it knocks you for a loop. Back in 2003 my sister and I worked in the same building and I would see her everyday smiling laughing and never a care. When we moved into the building she came over and said there they are my family. My husband worked with me.
On March 22 2003 one of her coworkers came and asked if she was ok she had not shown up yet and it was not like her. I called her no answer so I thought well maybe car trouble so I headed out speeding on the interstate headed to her house. you see when you start out the worry is small and then your instincts take over thinking the worst. I got to her house knocking on the door trying the handle with no luck. I walked around the house, called my husband and brother and told them I need help to possibly bust the door down.
I went around back and her dog was out I tried the garage door and it opened so in I went... Her car was there so she had to be home. I got in the house and went room to room yelling her name and the silence made my heart beat harder each time. I went back to her room and walked further in and then I found her on the floor next to the bed with the phone on the floor.
I screamed and I shook her and felt for a pulse, nothing. I tried with all my might to lay her on her back but I couldn't. I grabbed the phone and called 911 and they said they would be on the way. Eternity is what it was until someone finally came. I am sure it was minutes but I was in shock my world had just stopped.
Flashes of people and questions and just disbelief. My brother arrived I
told him she was gone and a loud cry came out from his mouth. Next I remember my husband was there as I sat and cried. He ask me did I want him to call Chris and I did not know who he meant. I said who, and he replied your son. that is how I knew I was mentally gone.
Shirley had 3 grown children and we were all close. Her kids loved her and they were all so close. I told the emergency workers her son was a firefighter could they please find him. Her daughter was pregnant with her third child and her other son was trying to find himself.
It took me over a year and meds for depression. I could not go to family functions at gatherings, I cried. It was all I could do to get up and move. It hit me hard like nothing I knew. People would come over and I would start to cry. I couldn't talk about her or see people she knew it hurt so bad I was so sad. If I saw a dead animal on the road I wondered about where did it go?
Death the final blow. This was my first true blow the grief, depression, sadness, loneliness and the hell you go through. This was my sister, my friend and she always had my back.
Little did I know to follow was my brother, father, uncle, aunt, son and mother. My life from 2003 to 2010 they would all pass. I now live in fear as the month of March approaches and here is why... My sister passed march 22. Then my brother passed on my wedding anniversary march 15th and as my son fought his fight against cancer he passed on march 1st. It is forever to be a dreaded month I am now dreading that month forever more. I am going to write again about the experience with each and everyone of them.