How do you escape from the memories? The darkest days
Hello it's been a while but I need to vent. Do you find yourself completely effected no bombarded with negative memories that won't leave your mind? I have a neighbor across the street that was a friend of Paul's before he died. They had common ground, both disabled by stroke or tramatic brain injury. They both had wives that cared and Loved them deeply, yet the brain injury made them impatient snapping at the frustration of what they had become.
I have helped him up many a time when he had fallen and could not get back up into his wheelchair. His wife would call me to help when she was at work. They have a nurse but I am unsure of her hours. I feel the frustration that his wife feels as he berates her and belittles her as his caretaker.
Another neighbor has cancer for the 3rd time but he is Not going to beat it this time. I try to be there for his wife as she was (somewhat) for me. I say somewhat because she would always make little comments like oh I Love that man of mine I do not know what I would do without him. Perhaps just not thinking about the fact that I just has lost mine. Now I am there for her as her husband is going to hospice quite soon.
Once the sound of an ambulance would leave me insane with grief, crying at the tire store crumpled in a little ball at the sound of it.
My point (finally) how do you keep looking forward in a positive light when there are reminders of the darkest days all around you? I want to be a decent person, I am a decent person but others ill health reminds me of the worst days of my life.
I can not turn my back on those in need but the memories it brings is so searing the regrets return. Things I should have could have done etc. How can I escape my past and look towards the future with death all around me and still be a decent person? To be there for people when no one was there for me?