HOW DO YOU OVERCOME LOSS OF A PARENT ?

by Horse - Mikri
(Australia )

Simple question yet never easily answered. How do you overcome the loss of a parent? Does it get easier, I think not. We learn to get on with life because we must, because society says you must move on.

I lost my father 6 Aug 2009, after 13+ years of being diagnosed with dementia. No, it wasn't dementia that killed him, it was 3 aneurysms which were only detected because he ended up going to hospital. He didn't want to get out of bed for a couple of days and didn't want to eat.

After days of tests we finally get answers, he had a ruptured aneurysm plus 2 others. The doctors can't operate due to his health and he would probably not make it thru surgery.

So how are we as a family supposed to react to hearing something like this? How are we supposed to sit there listening to the doctor explaining to us how dad will pass, "he will not feel pain, blood will fill his lungs and he will peacefully pass one day, maybe in 2wks, 2yrs, we don't know when".

So my problem and guilt now is; why didn't we go for a second opinion elsewhere? What if we did and he could have been helped? Why did we just trust the doctors with their findings? What if they just didn't want to spend more time and money on an "old fellow"?

His hospital stay was the most horrible experience our family has gone thru, I can only imagine what he felt. We were told to place him in a nursing home, as his health had gone downhill very fast. I knew it was the environment he was in, the negativity around him; we had to get him out of that horrible hole.

We convinced him to start eating and get out of bed so we could all go home, and he did. I even got to manicure his nails and take him out to the podiatrist, a day I will never forget. Seeing him smile and talking about wanting to come out again. Two wks. later he passed, my poor mother was left with the agonizing role of CPR, a 77 year old fragile woman, at home alone trying to save her husband of 56 yrs.

I can only imagine the hurt and pain she went thru and is still going thru. The only comfort we have is knowing we did the right thing and took him home, away from the foreign environment, he was home with his family and hopefully happy in his last moments.

People say the pain and grief gets easier. Well it doesn't. We just learn to deal with it, and even pretend it's all okay, because we must get on with life, move forward. But all along we suffer in silence with the hurt, pain and guilt inside.

I will always remember my dad and the times we spent together, good and bad. I just wish he held on for a few more months to walk me down the aisle. I had a dream a few months before his passing that he was going to die. Now I wish I had not dreamt it, going through every day knowing that he would not be at my wedding was the worse feeling I have ever felt.

Even though my dad is around in spirit, fluttering around as a beautiful butterfly, I would give anything to have him here today in the flesh, even with all the issues we went through with his dementia. He drove us mad, but we still loved him so much, as that was out of his control.

I miss him very much and I want him to know that horse loves him dearly, always have and always will. Till we meet again dad xoxox