How does this happen to our family?????????

by Terri
(TN)

Me,my nephew and Katy, at the hospital waiting on a new heart

Me,my nephew and Katy, at the hospital waiting on a new heart

Me,my nephew and Katy, at the hospital waiting on a new heart
Me and my sister

A year ago in March my brother's 3 year old son had been in the hospital for months needing a new heart. My younger sister quit her teaching job of almost 25 years to help with their other two small children. My sister Katy had planned a dream trip to Hawaii for a year and it's time to go! Katy didn't want to go because our nephew was in the hospital waiting for a heart, but it had only been a week on the transplant list and I assured her no way it'll happen so soon. Katy left on Friday, the heart call came on Saturday for a new heart and Katy was sick she wasn't there. But Monday the call came from her husband she was really ill and in the hospital unconscious. I didn't even pack a bag, grabbed my purse and raced to the airport. My brother loaned me the money and I flew to Hawaii. When I landed my brother-in-law met me saying she's brain dead. Spinal meningitis, I didn't even know it still existed,I thought it was rare. Boy was I wrong. I stayed with her until the donor group came for her and then went to pick out her casket and arrange to get her back home. A year later I still think she's on vacation. When is she coming back? Maybe it's because I refused to see her in the casket, I'm not sure. We both sew and quilt and spoke almost everyday. I wait for the phone and still grab the phone to say......but then I remember,she's not there. My marriage of 20 years is falling apart, I find myself drinking several glasses of wine every-night and staying up til 2 or 3. I just can't pull it together, I can't even express the pain I have, and the anger. I haven't been to church since the time when she was here and we met for church on Sunday's together. I don't know how to move forward. I'm left behind with a wounded marriage and trying to take care of the people she left behind. How do you ever crawl out of the hole and survive without destroying yourself? Do you ever feel "Unbroken"

Comments for How does this happen to our family?????????

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Jun 11, 2012
I am falling apart How does this happen to our family
by: Doreen England U.K.

Hi Terri,
I am sorry for your loss and for the many unhappy things going on in your life right now. It is no wonder that you are drinking to numb the pain you are in and as far as going to Church again this is understandable. So is your anger. You are in a lot of emotional pain right now and you can't move forward. Don't even try. One day at a time is all any of us can do. Life is full of tragedies and some get more than they can cope with. As you are a church goer you must have heard that Biblical statement. "God won't allow you to handle more than you can bear but will make a way of escape so that you can bear it". This is a promise you need to claim. Often we cry out to God "I can't bear any more of this suffering" "What are you doing" and you are up against a wall of silence.
Remember even in the Garden of Gethsemane Jesus felt forsaken by the disciples and also by God. This may be your "Gethsemane" experience.
If things don't get better for you try bereavement counselling. They are there for a reason. Use them if you have to. The only problem with drinking alcohol is that it numbs you for a while and then you start to feel the grief compounded and all alcohol does is mask the grief. Sad to say that it is experiencing the grief that brings the healing.
I am facing a bad grief day and I feel utterly useless. It has only been 5 weeks since I lost my husband and I darent' think too far ahead as the grief would swallow me up. I hope things get better for you in the days ahead and that you are able to make some steps in your recovery from this painfull place you are in just now.

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