How I Healed, and How Long It Took
by Samantha M. White
(Boston, MA, USA)
My daughter was 20 when she was killed . . . almost an adult, but to me - my baby. I couldn't think of her any other way, for many months. I remembered only how tiny and beautiful she had been as a newborn, and the day we brought her home from the hospital . . . a sweet child, who grew up to be funny and bright and gentle. After her violent death, I was traumatized, absorbed all the trauma that had destroyed her body and taken her life. I suffered for years . . . until I made a conscious choice to make her life and her death count for something, be a force for good, with me the instrument.
So I turned my life around, went back to school in my fifties, changed careers, although it cost me my health and my home. Yes, I was homeless for quite a while, lived out of my car for months until I could find places to stay . . . but I never stopped working on pursuing my goal.
When I had achieved all I had set out to, there was one goal remaining. I felt a burning need to write a book about what I had experienced, and how I had healed. Many times during the writing of the book, I wanted to quit . . . because in recalling all that had happened, leading up to, including, and following her death, I re-experienced all the pain, and became ill. I could FEEL the pains in my body, and I couldn't stop crying. But I kept on writing, and finally published my book, "Someone to Talk To: Finding Peace, Purpose, and Joy After Tragedy and Loss; A Recipe for Healing from Trauma and Grief." I blessed it and sent it out into the Universe.
E-mails began to trickle in from people all over the world who read the book and thanked me for the help and hope it gave them. And then, just a couple of weeks ago, my book won a 2012 Nautilus Book Award in the category of Grieving/Death & Dying.
This tells me the book has merit, contains something that others can relate to and draw from, and I feel blessed. I'll never become rich or famous from this book, but if it helps anyone, it will have achieved its purpose. This is my story ABOUT my story! The larger story is in the book. I want to spread the healing, in honor of the loving memory of my daughter.