How I Healed, and How Long It Took

by Samantha M. White
(Boston, MA, USA)



My daughter was 20 when she was killed . . . almost an adult, but to me - my baby. I couldn't think of her any other way, for many months. I remembered only how tiny and beautiful she had been as a newborn, and the day we brought her home from the hospital . . . a sweet child, who grew up to be funny and bright and gentle. After her violent death, I was traumatized, absorbed all the trauma that had destroyed her body and taken her life. I suffered for years . . . until I made a conscious choice to make her life and her death count for something, be a force for good, with me the instrument.

So I turned my life around, went back to school in my fifties, changed careers, although it cost me my health and my home. Yes, I was homeless for quite a while, lived out of my car for months until I could find places to stay . . . but I never stopped working on pursuing my goal.

When I had achieved all I had set out to, there was one goal remaining. I felt a burning need to write a book about what I had experienced, and how I had healed. Many times during the writing of the book, I wanted to quit . . . because in recalling all that had happened, leading up to, including, and following her death, I re-experienced all the pain, and became ill. I could FEEL the pains in my body, and I couldn't stop crying. But I kept on writing, and finally published my book, "Someone to Talk To: Finding Peace, Purpose, and Joy After Tragedy and Loss; A Recipe for Healing from Trauma and Grief." I blessed it and sent it out into the Universe.

E-mails began to trickle in from people all over the world who read the book and thanked me for the help and hope it gave them. And then, just a couple of weeks ago, my book won a 2012 Nautilus Book Award in the category of Grieving/Death & Dying.

This tells me the book has merit, contains something that others can relate to and draw from, and I feel blessed. I'll never become rich or famous from this book, but if it helps anyone, it will have achieved its purpose. This is my story ABOUT my story! The larger story is in the book. I want to spread the healing, in honor of the loving memory of my daughter.

Comments for How I Healed, and How Long It Took

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Nov 15, 2012
I'm sorry you saw it that way
by: Samantha

Zoe, I was invited to submit my post, to inspire those of us who are closer to the beginning of the journey of healing. I did not barge in to "advertise" my book . . .I am a survivor of the brutal death of my daughter, and I still grieve, too. If I were making money and getting rich from sales of my book, maybe you could take my post as advertising . . . but the truth is, I will never make back the investment in personal pain OR money that went into the publication of this book. My only purpose in writing it, and mentioning it in what seem to be appropriate gatherings of people who are grieving, is to lend my support. My message is just this: I've been there, I didn't think I would ever be sane again, and yet over time I have found my way to healing and peace. I wish the same to all, and am happy to help in the only way I can, by sharing my experience. There's no need for you or anyone else to read my book, I've just said it all right here.

May 09, 2012
how I healed
by: Anonymous

wonderful! it is great that you can share how you were able to overcome pain, rather tan make yourself a victim, lending yourself to the service of others. I am sure your goal is far from trying yo sell a book, but more than that to give hope. I dedicate my self to gardening and many come to my garden, never thinking of any other gain but to help others. I too write, and will publish one day. every one has the a way to grief and writing is a wonderful one, CONGRATULATIONS. More of us should render our tears and pain to build inner strength and grow loads of compassion and understanding.
take care and go on!

May 08, 2012
How Wonderful
by: rayolife

What a beautiful tribute to your daughter's legacy. Blessings to you!

May 08, 2012
Healing
by: Rose

I am finding writing to be a great healer for me. I am a year into my grief journey and have been blogging since January. I miss my daughter so much some days, I still can't breathe. Other days, it seems a bit more in focus. Your story gives me hope..thank you for that.
I like the idea of helping someone else also. When I reach outside my pain, it lessens the hurting. I take the focus off my pain and find a reason to reach beyond myself..please visit my blog, leave a comment or just read..
www.powerofprayerandfaithasamothergrieves.blogspot.com
Blessings-
Rose

May 08, 2012
Proud of You
by: Judith in California

Samantha, how proud of you your daughter must be up in heaven. I'm proud of you too. What a struggle for you and to have endured being homeless and then pulling yourself up and accompliishing all of this. God was certainy looking out for you and directing your path. You did what I encourage all of us who are grieving to do and that is giving yourself permission to move forward and live our lives as fully as we can . Our passed loves would want that for us and we must want it for ourselves as well.
My grieving days began 20 months ago . I will always have a special place in my heart for my husband of 35 1/2 years but I will open my heart to someone again if God deems it to be.
We are supposed to move forward and make our lives count for something in theor memory.
Thank you for sharing your story.

May 08, 2012
Ok wait
by: Zoe

Let me get this straight
You came to this sight a place of grief and support
You see we freely express out pain and support others
And you felt the appropriate response was to do an advertisement for yourself and your BOOK!!!
Really?? Really?
Unbelievable

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