HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE?

by silver
(alabama)

IN LOVING MEMORY

IN LOVING MEMORY

HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE?
THEY SAY LIVE IT DAY BY DAY
AND IT WILL BECOME EASIER.
HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE
BEFORE I DON'T CRY EVERY DAY?
HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE
BEFORE MY HEART STOPS BREAKING?
HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE
BEFORE MY ARMS STOP ACHING?
HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE
BEFORE I'M NOT LONELY ANYMORE?
HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE
BEFORE I'M READY TO LIVE LIKE BEFORE?
HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE?
NO ONE KNOWS FOR SURE.
HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE?
MAKE SURE YOU TELL THEM YOU LOVE THEM
BEFORE YOU HAVE TO ASK,
HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE?

Comments for HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE?

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Aug 28, 2016
Everyday is the same since he passed away
by: Mary

It has been 14 months since I lost my husband of 43 years. The pain remains the same as the very day he passed away. Every morning I wake up expecting something to change and pain remains. Every one in my life thinks I am doing well. If only my dog could talk.

Oct 18, 2012
HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE
by: IRWIN DRESNER

HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE? ITS BEEN OVER 3 YEARS SINCE MY WIFE DIED. I HAVE TRYED EVERYTHING TO HELP MYSELF BUT THE DREADED FEELING OF GRIEF HAS ONLY GROWN STRONGER. I AM ALL BY MYSELF AND THAT WOULD NOT BE SO BAD EXCEPT I MEAN BY MYSELF. I DO NOT HAVE ANY HUMAN CONTACT. BEING BY MYSELF IS THE WORSE. MY CHILDREN WHO LIVE FAR AWAY ONLY CALL ME ONCE AND AWHILE, LIKE EVERY 2 WEEKS IF I AM LUCKY. I AM ALONE DAY AND NIGHT. I HAVE TO COOK, CLEAN, PAY THE BILLS, DRIVE MYSELF TO THE DOCTOR, TO MY VETERANS MEETINGS, TO THE FOOD STORE. I WAKE UP IN THE MORNING AND I EAT BREAKFAST AND THEN JUST WATCH TV. IF I CAN GET MYSELF GOING I GO FOR A RACE WALK. I DO NOT HAVE A NEIBOR WHO EVEN SAYS HELLO, MY DEPRESSION HAS GROWN VERY BAD AND EVEN THOUGH I GO FOR HELP NOTHING HAS WORKED. I BELIEVE THAT MY CHILDREN ARE ONLY WAITING FOR ONE THING. I FOUND COMBAT EASIER. HAVE A GOOD THURSDAY. IRWIN

Oct 17, 2012
Disarray
by: Anonymous

Your poem it explained it all. I lost my husband September 1, 2012. He had just turned 50. I miss him so much.

Oct 04, 2012
How Long does it Take?
by: Doreen U.K.

Dear MsV
I am sorry for your loss of your husband 2yrs. and for the distress you still feel over this loss.
I lost my husband 5 months ago and I am still in disbelief. I woke up this morning and I couldn't believe Steve died. I felt a wave of PANIC. Almost like I wanted to scream. I must still be numb because it feels as if I am in a state of De Ja Vu. I had a nightmare last night. Only part I remembered was someone was buried in the soil and just there hair was sticking out and I was pulling it up but the person was already dead. But yet that person was ME.
I understand how you feel. I also understand how death brings out the worst and best in people. I lost some people from my life but gained the great support from my 3 sisters and my 2 surviving brother-in-laws. I value this support in the months gone. But it does seem to get less over time. It is a very lonely place to be. I said that I would go back to Church when I was ready. I don't know when this would be I don't feel like doing anything or going anywhere. Like you it is hard to do the basic things in life without the church work that can often be a heavy load when getting involved. Perhaps you are just not ready to continue this and need a break. There may come a day when you will find going back into something usefull will be appropriate for you because you will be ready for it. It is a very difficult place to be with grief. I was married for 44yrs. Not easy to lose someone from that length of time together.
I hope that the days ahead will get easier for all of us and that we will find our way back into life whilst we have it. I understand your sorrow and grief. I understand how difficult things are for you. You are not ALONE even if it feels like this.

Oct 03, 2012
How long does it take?
by: MsV

I have asked the same question myself! It will be two years Dec 20th,2010 that I lost my husband and sometimes the pain is unbearable. I have good days and bad days and some days are just down right aweful. There are times I can't make through the day at work and I have to leave early. I left my church and all the work i used to do in the youth ministry...I just couldn't do it any more. I am grateful for my friends and family although some of them I can no longer talk to. death seems to bring out the best and the worst in people. this website has been really helpful and I am so glad I found it. May God bring some comfort to all of us.

Sep 25, 2012
HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE
by: IRWIN DRESNER

TO SILVER, WHAT A GREAT POST TO ME. I truly can feel what you are going thru. In 2 weeks it will be 3 years that I lived by myself. No one lives near me. I continue to write more of my book, write new poems, invent new things, cook great meals, race walk and look for someone to spend my life with. Silver I wish you all the luck in this world. I would be like to stay in touch with you and find out how you are doing in every way. My washing machine stopped working and I am waiting for the repair man.If you want to see some of my poems just google-IRWIN DRESNER-POET.
All my newspaper articles are on my facebook page if you look at all my pictures. Silver have a great week and may you feel well. Irwin

Sep 23, 2012
We don't know how long it will take.
by: Rosa

Dearest silver of Alabama, that was a very deep felt expression from your heart that every person who has lost a loved one, asks? How long does it take? I lost my son May 31, 2011 and for me, it has been a very hard road to walk. I had been tormented at times in such an agonizing pain that used to consume me but thank God for the therapist God put in my life, because she has taught me different ways of dealing with this loss. I can seriously say that the time to heal is definitely not the same for everyone and I remember asking my therapist that exact question, HOW LONG? In the year, 3 months and 23 days I have learned to deal with my loss. That is not to say that I'm ok now and life is all roses but one thing I have learned is when we experience the loss of a loved one, we will never ever be the same. Our lives change because it has been turned upside down and we will hurt but we can learn to deal with our loss. I have learned to break away from the deep, agonizing thoughts. I have learned to turn a sad thought into a happy thought & to remember all the good memories with my son instead of how he died and what I should have done. I've learned to close my eyes and picture God holding me and comforting me. All this has helped me heal in an awesome way that only God can do. I still have my days when I miss him and I cry but its ok to allow our body to cleanse us of the pain through the tears. To everyone who is hurting, my heart goes out to you but have courage and believe that if you put forth the effort to want to heal and give your pain over to God, you will one day be able to laugh again, to live again and know that you will be ok. I do plan on posting my own loss story soon too, in hopes that it may give hope to all those asking the same question I asked: How long does it take?

Sep 23, 2012
how long does it take
by: silver

TO IRWIN: I have been a widow for almost a yr and a half.When your soul mate leaves you alone you are in shock, then grief, then you think you can handle this.I hit the hard grief this year at about my birthday when I realized that my love would not be here with me. I cried so hard and so long that I LITERALLY made myself sick and ended up in the Emergency room having trouble breathing.(acute bronchitis-lungs raw from the crying).I understand how it is to grieve so hard.Although it has only been half as long for me as for you,I can see how this would be. A lot of people say,"you need to get on with life. that's what they would want." That's probably true.Like you I can't even see myself with someone else at this time. I see couples in the stores and wonder if they know how short their time is.You and I,and I'm sure there are many others, were so blessed to have found our soul mates.I thank GOD that I at least has 33 yrs.I wish it had been so much more.I go on because of 3 reasons: one...my faith in GOD,...two...my belief in the sanctity of life...and three...My mother followed my father in death 7 months after him.I have 4 children and several grandchildren as well as great-grandchildren(I am an early mother I'm 63)I felt I couldn't do to my children what happened to me. I lost my whole support group in 18 months. I am retired and my "friends" from wk never contact me. One of my children lives in New England.One is moving to Florida and one is moving to Arizona. My youngest lives here.(43 yrs to 32 yrs).I live on widows pension and can't afford to travel.My children contact me fairly often but I have sisters and a brother who do not contact me very often.I have only one friend who I talk to once in awhile.The big problem is that they all work full time.Whoever said retirement is great didn't have to do it alone.My husband and I were going to go see some of the sites withing close distances to us.I apologize for the length of this letter but I wanted you to know that this site has been my saving grace. Without it I wouldn't be able to talk to people who are going through the same things as me.I wouldn't understand that the things I feel are what others feel.Hang in there and find someone you can talk to on a regular basis.Love and prayers are sent your way GOD bless you and give you strength

Sep 23, 2012
HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE?
by: Doreen U.K.

Silver, Thank you for this Memorial. HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE? I cried this as a prayer before God.
God How long does it take? God gives Life and takes away life in death. Only God knows when the Healing will be complete and HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE? Engage God in this Memorial. Till you get an answer. Which will be personal and different for each of us. God knows of our Pain and Sorrow. HE KNOWS HOW LONG IT WILL TAKE!!!

Sep 23, 2012
HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE
by: IRWIN DRESNER

HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE? MY WIFE PASSED AWAY OCT. 05, 2009 AND I AM STILL LOCKED IN THE WORSE GRIEF OF MY LIFE. IT IS SO BAD THAT I DO NOT FEEL LIKE WAKING UP ANY MORE. I LIVE BY MYSELF FOR ALMOST 3 YEARS AND MY CHILDREN LIVE FAR AWAY. THEY HAD ME COME TO VISIT THEM IN FLORIDA BUT THAT HAD MADE IT WORSE. I WAS IN COMBAT DURING THE KOREA WAR AND BELIEVE ME IT WAS EARIER. TODAY I WENT TO THE LOCAL MALL BUT THE DEPRESSION AND GRIEF GREW MUCH WORSE AS I SEEN ALL THE COUPLES WHILE I WAS BY MYSELF. I SIGNED UP ON THE WEBSITES FOR MEETING SOMEONE BUT THEY WERE SCAMS AND WOULD SEND ME CONTACTS FROM THOUSANDS OF MILES AWAY EVEN THOUGH I PUT MY ZIP CODE IN. I AM AT THE POINT OF NOT BEING ABLE TO CONTINUE IN THIS HELL. ALL I DO IS WRITE NEW POEMS, WORK ON THE BOOK OF MY LIFE, EXERCISE, COOK HEALTHY MEALS BUT THE GRIEF IS TEARING ME UP INSIDE. IT HAS NOT GROWN BETTER FOR ME ONLY MUCH WORSE. THANKS FOR READING. IRWIN

Sep 23, 2012
HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE?
by: IRWIN DRESNER

HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE? MY WIFE DIED 10/05/2009.
I BEEN BY MYSELF FOR THE 3 YEARS. I HAVE ALMOST NO HUMAN CONTACT AND IT IS KILLING ME. MY CHILDREN LIVE FAR AWAY AND SOMETIMES I DO NOT GET A CALL FOR A WEEK OR LOINGER. I AM IN DEEP GRIEF 24 HOURS A DAY. MY NEIBORS DO NOT EVEN LOOK AT ME. HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE, FOR ME IT LOOKS LIKE IT WILL NEVER. I PRAY IT DOES GO AWAY FAST FOR YOU. I AM AN OLD VETERAN AND COMBAT WAS EASIER. I JUST WRITE NEW POEMS AND CONTINUE TO FINISH MY BOOK. HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE, FOR ME IT WILL TAKE AN ETERNITY. FEEL GOOD. IRWIN

Sep 22, 2012
So True
by: Anonymous

This is simply beautiful. !
It has been seven months since I lost my
dear husband, and I'm still asking
How long does it take? Perhaps forever is the way
I feel.



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