How Many of Us Have to Go Through This - and Be in Our Alone State

My husband went on a downward spiral. Very heavy he lost 300 lbs. For several years he thought he was doing really well. He was off all meds, for arrhythmia and Coumadin and other stuff. Then he lost his job, his favorite job, did not find a better one he liked more, settled for what he could. In the meantime our only son grew up, began to go out to work, be with friends etc., and was essentially gone. Instead of turning 'to' each other, my husband turned more depressed, the job loss, then the heart issues returned even despite weight loss. He started to put weight back on. He started to drink, regularly. One night he went out of the house mad at me, went around the corner to our local Store, and without his seat belt, died in an angry left turn out of the shopping center, trying to beat someone through the light on the other side....

Despite all of this reality, I miss him God awfully. My son of course continues now that it's been almost a year, to live, to date, etc, although he is not always happy. But I cannot date. I don't want to, this was my husband! It will be a year Oct. 23 2013.

How is it that we all have to end up alone in our houses, watching tv, admittedly seeing friends and family (thank God) but not having someone special anymore to be around, to feel so natural with, to make each other laugh OR even fighting, just 'being'. I am so lonely compared to before. I work full time and am good at what I do. But that's not 'it' -- it's just not. Wish there were places that were NOT support groups, or singles groups. Just 'having fun' groups - at 55 that's impossible to find.

Wish this had never never happened....

Comments for How Many of Us Have to Go Through This - and Be in Our Alone State

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Sep 28, 2013
How Many of Us Have to go through this - and be in our ALONE State
by: Doreen UK

I am sorry for your loss of your husband to a sudden death. It is worse when anger has taken place between a couple and then someone dies. It makes the grief harder to accept.
It doesn't seem fair that life deals us such terrible trials. When a man loses his job it is as if he loses half of himself since his work gives him his IDENTITY. Many men define themselves by what job they do. Your husband perhaps had anger issues around the loss of his job that caused him to become angry with you at times. I can understand this. My son lost a good job and then couldn't keep his apartment and had to sell up and his life went downhill. I lost my husband of 44yrs. 16 months ago to cancer. Life is hard now coping with life on one's own. My husband spent most of his 47yrs. working life working long hours 6 days a week. sometimes 7. Working all over the world. Looking forward to retirement. THEN HE DIES. I do feel cheated. I think you just expressed how I feel. Sitting in our homes all alone with just the TV. All joy gone from a life that could have gone on longer with time for living. I find myself becoming cynical at times. thinking we are not meant to be happy. I used to get scared when I was happy thinking someday it was going to be snatched away. This is normal thinking. But it did happen. The good times are cut short and the bad times seem to go on forever. This IS TRUE despite it also being cynical.
Take time to grieve and nurture yourself back from grief and then you will be ready to take on a new relationship when the time comes. don't rush things otherwise you could end up in the wrong relationship that would just add to your distress and grief. It is not wrong to think of future happiness. It will come to you at the right time.

Sep 28, 2013
Loss and Alone
by: Anonymous

What a tragic way for your marriage to end. A very sad story. I'm sorry for your loss. It's only been a year so give yourself time .

After the greiving process we will end up alone in front of the TV only if we choose to. It's been 3 years for me.

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