How much sorrow can I take?

by Celeste

I don't know how much more of this I can take..
Each time I try to begin the healing process for one traumatic event, something replaces it and I am back at step one.
In April 2007 my young beautiful daughter gave birth to a baby boy who we could not keep and decided to let another family raise him. It was totally heartbreaking - for me to see my 16 year old child in so much pain (physically, emotionally, mentally) and for my own pain at letting go of my first grandchild. It felt like a part of me was torn away and left an open wound.
In March 2008 my dad passed away. He never had a significant role in my life so I wasn't sure if I should even attend his funeral because I didn't think I would feel anything at his death. I was wrong. I felt so much sadness and regret.
In April 2010 my dear friend who was more like a sister to me died from cancer. The disease spread very quickly and before I knew it I received an email telling me she was in the hospital and received last rites. When she passed away, I cried for days and days. My heart felt like it had a huge hole in it.
On December 10, 2011 my mom finally lost her battle with brain cancer. I had been expecting it but when it happened I was still shocked. I just wanted to run to a corner and sob my heart out that my mom had left this world and I would have to wait a long time before I saw her again. It hurt so much to lose her. I was devastated.
Just a little over two months later, February 15, 2012 I was told my one and only sister had been found dead. Only the week before she had celebrated her 41st birthday and was looking forward to a new direction in her life. I could not believe that my little sister was dead.. I kept repeating she can't be, she can't be..I had to be escorted home from work. I completely lost it. I was in disbelief and I think I still am. My sister was my other half. We were three years apart but we were more like twins. I still cannot grasp that I will never see her again in this life and that I will have to wait years before I do.
My mom, my sister and I were a threesome. We would call and talk on the phone for hours every day. We were close. We shared laughter and tears. I am left behind and I don't know how I am supposed to life without either of them.
I'm told God doesn't give you more than you can handle, but at this point it is just ridiculous. How much sorrow is one person expected to handle? I just don't know what to do. I could cry, bawl, wail and scream out my pain and anger but I would probably just ended up stroking out or something.
I have to stay in this world for my daughter and grandson…

Comments for How much sorrow can I take?

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Feb 20, 2012
reaching out
by: Anonymous

Im so sorry to hear how much you are hurting. This is one of those times that,nothing can give you peace.Just take life one day at a time. If you cant do one day at a time try one minute at a time.
Your in my prayers,

Feb 20, 2012
my prayers are with you...
by: Virginia (Mobile, AL - USA)

Words fail, but most people on this site know the heartbreak of losing a dear loved one, so I can say that most of us understand, at least to a large degree, your pain and know that only support and acceptance of your grief can help. I was told by a nun after my daughter died this past December just to cry it out, don't hold it back, just let the tears flow. I have found solace in reading books about the afterlife and trying to understand how we can hear from and communicate with our loved ones. Through these books, I have become more aware that they have left us physically, but not spiritually and that they are indeed, still with us. I will hold you up in prayer. Remember that Jesus also wept when Lazarus died and this is a time for tears and grief for us. The void will never be filled but somehow, we must find a way to move forward and get to the point where when we speak of them, it will be with a smile to celebrate the wonderful time we had with them rather than the intense depth of tears and grief we feel now. God bless you, now and always...

Feb 20, 2012
only hope
by: rayolife

I have the same questions after so many losses in my life in such a short period of time. I'm just existing for my older son, and his daughter, my ONLY grandchild that I will ever have, and she lives in Germany!!!

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