How much strength does it take to endure such sadness and loss?
Three years ago this January, I lost my 25 year old son in a terrible house fire. He did not survive and I've had to endure the pain and loss by myself. I have a sister in California who has helped me through this pain but I just can't seem to catch a break from loss. At around the same time, I lost my decent paying job to lay-offs, one after another. It took a year to rebuild my house and that was not without problems with builder, contractor, etc. A total nightmare. I barely kept the mortgage payments due to loss of work and sold off everything I could. I lived in the house for about a month and was so distraught over my son that I could not stay there any longer. I moved out and I rent it out. I had another short-term contract job which just ended after four months because the project got put on hold. Again, back to unemployment and worry and fear. I am so tired and just don't want to live like this anymore. To be quite honest with you, I've been in a fog since my son's death and wish at times I was with him. I don't know how much one person can take but I have had my fill and have kept praying close by but I don't see any hope. In fact, my daughter asks me for help and I can't help her financially now. When you keep struggling to get ahead, get a break and then back to square one again, you lose faith and hope each time. I just don't want to fight anymore and I don't think anyone should endure what I have. There really isn't meaning to much anymore...