HOW TO CONTINUE LIVING WITH/WITHOUT THE GUILT
It's been almost three years since my 21 year old son Justin has passed on. He was actually murdered, but I prefer to say pass on because...well, I'm sure most of you understand. I know I need to continue to live my life until it's my time to go, but I just can't bring myself to enjoy anything. If feels so wrong. Don't get me wrong, I don't like feeling this way; in constant pain, but somehow it seems like if I actually did something that was fun or I enjoyed or USE to enjoy it would feel even worse. I can't get past that and I don't know how. My 3 year old grandaughter (Justin's daughter) always asks me, "Grandma whats that thing between your eyebrows." She is referring to the crease (or wrinkle) I have from constant sadness. Then she wants to know if I'm sad or upset with her. That just breaks my heart. I don't even realize I'm always walking around looking like that. I know I NEED to do something and I want to, even if just for the other people around me and the ones I love but I just don't how; I just don't know if I can handle it. God knows the current state I'm in is not a good one, but I just don't know how.....
I know all of us here are feeling the same or similar feelings, I wish we didn't but we do, so I know you understand and wanted to reach out to ask if anyone knows where to start and how to deal with the crushing emotions of it all.
Thank you and I pray for us all.