How to survive after lossing everything

by Betty Namie
(Beaverton, Or USA)

In the last few years I have lost my great husband of 30 years from cancer and Mother, Father and brother. Then I lost my farm and all of my beautiful animals. We had lived there for 23 years and totally redone the whole place for US. Now I am looking for a job to survive and of course no one wants to hire someone that only has experience owning our own companies. I know others are also hurting and then I feel like I should stop feeling sorry for myself. Sometimes all of the time I wish I had a hug and a shoulder to cry yell or just be with. My mom used to say she was lonely and now I totally understand. My girls think that this rock will always be strong, but I feel like I am crumbling. I don't have money to live on and just want to work and pay my own way. Writing this makes me feel sad but right now I feel hopeless.

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Sep 20, 2012
How to survive after losing everything
by: Doreen U.K.

Jennifer you have sustained many losses. Losing your mobility, teaching career, savings, business company, health, husband, home, etc. if I went through this I would feel just like you do. Even if you are greatfull for what you have no ammount of positive thinking and thankfullness for what you have will lessen the pain of where you are at in life. You are in a PIT. You are struggling to find your way out of this pit and you don't have the energy to go on and fight another day. THIS IS YOUR REALITY!. It is also many other people's reality. How do we go on from this when everything is screaming inside of us that we need a break. We need someone to come and lift us out of this pit of despair. I say US because I feel I am in this with you even though I am not there with you physically to feel what you are feeling. I cannot even find any nice trite statements to cheer you up. I can only point you to God who is our HEALER. OUR PROVIDER. OUR SUSTAINER. OUR HOPE. If I didn't have God on my side I would crumble. Some days I do but I rise to another day hoping it will be that little bit better. When I look back at all my trials and see What God has brought me through I am humbled because so many people are still in the fire and I wish I could rescue them. I just know of someone who can do what I can't do. His name is Jesus. I ask God to send His COMFORTER to you. To Bring you Peace in your valley. To pick you up and place you on higher ground. To Bring you joy and give you back all you have lost. TRUST GOD. He will bring you through this trial, as He has done to countless others in life who can bear the same testimony. Be Blessed Always!

Sep 20, 2012
How to survive after losing everything
by: Doreen U.K.

Betty I am sorry for all the losses you are going through right now. This is your story and It doesn't matter how many people are having a rough time. This space is about you and what you are going through and you have a right to express how you are feeling and how we can encourage you and be there for you. YOU are not feeling sorry for yourself. You are going through one of the biggest battles of your life and you need HELP. I wish I was there in person to give you a hug, and all the love and support you need for however long you need this. my email is Write to me whenever and however long you need to, to be supported, and even to yell if this is what you need to do. Don't try to be strong for everyone, YOU CAN'T. We all have our limitations. Even our children will realise we are human and it is O.K. to express our pain and hurt and how things improve will be a learning lesson for them. Life is hard. Life is cruel. Life is given to us and we have no CHOICE to go on and live it. But do it in your own time and when you are able to process each day how you will go on. You have too much to deal with right now. Prioritize what you have to do. Write it all down. e.g. 1. caring for the children. 2. cooking a meal. 3. finding a job. etc. this will give you focus. You will cope better because it won't all be in your head making you feel like giving up. Tick off the list each job that has been done. It will start to make you feel better. You can also keep a journal and write down all your feelings. Write letters to the ones you have lost. Write how this makes you feel. You will always have this journal and you will know when your feelings have shifted and how you are doing. Even write in a dialogue between You and GOD. This is sometimes a better way to reach God when you can't Pray. Ask God for His COMFORT. It is a hard battle. I am only 4 1/2 months into losing my husband from cancer and I nursed him for over 3yrs and this was painful and hard watching my beloved husband deteriorate, and die slowly. I hurt so deep unless God was holding this pain I would explode with hurt. LONLINESS to me is emotional cancer. It goes on forever. I have the God Channel and Sonlife Broadcasting, and TBN and all the American ministries to help me when I am down and this helps me daily. Without this support life would be unbearable. Betty I hope you feel better knowing you are not alone and WE are all HERE for you always. I know it would be nice to have someone in person with you. This is what I need, and also what I would like to do for others. Be there in PERSON if I could be. SORRY! but I live in ENGLAND. Even the people in this country I can't reach as they live too far. Be Blessed. May God comfort you at this difficult time and bring you HIS PEACE.

Sep 20, 2012
hanging in
by: Anonymous

I do know how you feel. I would love to hug my children. they are in their 40's and they really think that I can do it all. Or and I do hope that it is that they don't want me around anymore. One of my daughters will not answer her phone when I call so I have to go around her to leave messages. We used to be so very close and I don't know when I might have done to make her so hurtful to me. I am just giving her space and hope some day she will love me again. I do tell on Facebook that I love her. that is the only way we communicate. I do hope that things get better for you. Hug your husband and smell him. That sounds strange but that is what you will miss the most. Good Luck and may God Bless you.

Sep 19, 2012
You Are Loved
by: Michael

Dear Betty ,
I cannot imagine your pain but I must tell you that you are loved. God loves you and your pain will will make you a super woman. Please don't give up. You will get through this and like a butterfly you metamorphose to an even more beautiful soul than you are. We have to go through the fire and yours is immense. I wish I could make this less painful for you but you will get to a better place. God Bless you Betty. The Universe loves you and will support you in your journey.

Michael. M

Sep 19, 2012
how to survive
by: Anonymous

Hi Betty,

You are not alone. You do have your children, although you don't say how old they are. Hug them tight, and give thanks for them.

Sorry if that sounded tough. I didn't mean it to. But I am in a similar situation. In the last five years I have lost my mobility, my teaching career, my little company, my savings. And now, this year, my charming, intelligent husband of nearly thirty years has turned into my eight year old son - thanks to a catastrophic stroke. And I'm about to lose my apartment.

Unlike you. I am totally alone. No family, few friends. I am struggling to survive, although there are days when I just want to give up, give in and let go. Nothing seems to be worth the effort. My husband still knows and loves me, but he's not there in any meaningful way, and will never be coming home. I go on just for him. He's living in a long-term care home and I see him nearly every day. But the travelling exhausts me and I don't know how, or have the energy for making a life of my own.

Take it one day at a time. That's what I do. Some are manageable, others sheer, unadulterated hell. I've been told that I will be happy again some day, but it's hard to imagine, as I'm sure you know all too well.

Hug your children, be kind to yourself and be very, very grateful for what you still have.


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