How Will I Ever Cope?
My Sweet Mom and Her beloved Cat Gracie
Click on each photo to enlarge.
I lost my mother three days ago. She was 100 years old. Everyone says "well she had a good long life." I know this. It doesn't matter to me whether she was 100 or 70 or whatever age. She and I have been so close all my life. I have never felt very close to my father. Yes, I loved him and I "think" he loved me. I was never sure. He and my sister were close. My mother had Pneumonia and couldn't seem to get over it. She finally wanted to go to the hospital hoping they could cure it. After running numerous tests and her being in there for four days they discovered that everything she ate and drank was going into her lungs instead of down into her stomach. She didn't want to die in the hospital, so we brought her home by ambulance. She has had four care-givers taking care of her 24/7 for over a year and they continued to care for her after she came home, along with Hospice. Every day and night I prayed and prayed for her. I knew it was selfish and I should just let her go and tell her it was ok, we would all be fine, but I just couldn't do it. All of the things we did together over the years go through my mind like a constantly moving picture show. She was always there for me no matter what. She even took care of my babies when they were born so I could rest. I know I am in denial right now because I can not accept she is gone. I keep thinking she is at the coast visiting friends or somewhere and she will be home soon. Even though I know better, I keep thinking that way anyway because I can't bear the thought that I will never see her again until I die. Believe me I have thought about joining her right now, but I can't leave that kind of legacy for my sons. I can only hope these feelings get better soon.