How Will I Ever Cope?

by JoAnne
(Fresno, CA)

My Sweet Mom and Her beloved Cat Gracie

My Sweet Mom and Her beloved Cat Gracie

My Sweet Mom and Her beloved Cat Gracie
Mom, My Sister Judy and Me
Mom, Me and My Two Sons

Click on each photo to enlarge.

I lost my mother three days ago. She was 100 years old. Everyone says "well she had a good long life." I know this. It doesn't matter to me whether she was 100 or 70 or whatever age. She and I have been so close all my life. I have never felt very close to my father. Yes, I loved him and I "think" he loved me. I was never sure. He and my sister were close. My mother had Pneumonia and couldn't seem to get over it. She finally wanted to go to the hospital hoping they could cure it. After running numerous tests and her being in there for four days they discovered that everything she ate and drank was going into her lungs instead of down into her stomach. She didn't want to die in the hospital, so we brought her home by ambulance. She has had four care-givers taking care of her 24/7 for over a year and they continued to care for her after she came home, along with Hospice. Every day and night I prayed and prayed for her. I knew it was selfish and I should just let her go and tell her it was ok, we would all be fine, but I just couldn't do it. All of the things we did together over the years go through my mind like a constantly moving picture show. She was always there for me no matter what. She even took care of my babies when they were born so I could rest. I know I am in denial right now because I can not accept she is gone. I keep thinking she is at the coast visiting friends or somewhere and she will be home soon. Even though I know better, I keep thinking that way anyway because I can't bear the thought that I will never see her again until I die. Believe me I have thought about joining her right now, but I can't leave that kind of legacy for my sons. I can only hope these feelings get better soon.

Comments for How Will I Ever Cope?

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Jun 26, 2011
Hold on to your memories
by: Tina in Chicago

Dear JoAnne, your memories are not in that house; they are in your heart. Our possessions are only for us to use for the time we are here. Think of some little girl growing up there over the years to come with her Mother building some of the same loving memories you have about your Mom. I bet that would make your Mom smile. Give yourself time. It will hurt so bad that you don't think you can bear it, but you can. Talk to your Mom and feel her, she lives in you. My Mom lived with me for a long time and I am still in our home, so I know exactly what you mean about the house. Sometimes we have to let go in order to have what it is we are seeking. Take a few of the things your Mom loved the most, put them throughout your home and enjoy your memories that way. My heart aches for you as I know what you mean about your sibling. We are all here for you and we will help you through this terrible time. God Bless you.

Jun 17, 2011
OMG- So Hard
by: JoAnne

My sister and I and kids, etc. went through my mom's house and got rid of everything in it to prepare it for sale yesterday. To see my mom's home emptied out like that after so many years of this being her home and our place of memories, was absolutely awful. Almost gives a feeling of being raped! I felt like she must be looking down and crying to see her home torn up like that. And then to meet with a realtor and put it on the market was so awful. Now I feel like I'm grieving for mom and her house.

Jun 05, 2011
RE: How Will I Cope?
by: JoAnne

I am adding to my original "How Will I Cope." I feel really alone with my grief. My sister was never as close to my mom as I was/am. She has basically dealt with her feelings and seems ready to carry on. My youngest son was never treated very well by my parents and therefore does not feel the grief I do. My oldest son was very close to his grandma and is grieving in his own way. He won't let me help him or talk about it and I guess he will deal with it in his own way. My problem right now is my sister whom I've never gotten along with since we were small children. She is in a big giant hurry to sell their house, get rid of everything in it, even if that means putting it on the front lawn and hoping someone will steal it. I try to tell her the market is not good to sell in now, wait a bit. I try to tell her I need to grieve over the house too. There are so many memories there. When this house is sold I will never come down that block again. Ever! I couldn't. She says well go over there every day next week if you want to. Cry on mom's bed, do what you want. Can I do all this in one week? I don't think so. I don't know what to do.I feel like I just want to run away, but where can one run?

Jun 02, 2011
A Mother's Love
by: TrishJ

When I was very young (age 16~many years ago) I worked at a nursing home. I went on to go to college and got my nursing degree. Some patient situations just stand out in your mind and stay with you forever. We had a patient pass away~she was 98 years old. Her 79 year old son stood at the window at the end of the hall and sobbed. His heart was broken. I heard one of the other nurses aides very callously say, "My God the woman was 98 for crying out loud. Give it a rest mister." I, at the age of 16, said to my co-worker, "Are you kidding me. He just lost his mother! Of course he's heart broken." A mother's love is very special and that mother / daughter relationship is something every woman values. Your mother will always be with you. Of course you will miss her. You had her in your life for a very long time. My own mother is 85 and suffering from debilitating dementia. It is sad for our entire family to watch her slip away. She's really gone already although her heart keeps beating. We can still hold her hand but she is no longer here. Not really. And....I miss her.
Hugs and God's blessings to you.

Jun 02, 2011
by: Tony

Take each day each hour and breath slow, let your grief come, and it will hurt LOTS, believe me. I lost my Mom in February, she was 85. Your Mom loved you and lives in your heart. Grief is work!!! hugs...

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