Hurt and desperate

by Mary martin
(Henderson ky)

I've been in my first serious relationship since I've been in recovery from addiction with a man that is also in recovery.. I love him so much, he is my rock... My kids lI've him... We do have arguments alot... Mostly over me having trust issues... I have a hard time trusting men... I was sexually abused as a child I was sexually and emotionally abused by my father... i feel like I got to be cautious to make sure I dnt get hurt again... But I know theirs no guarantee for that... My boyfriend has done things to make me not want to trust when we were a couple months in our relationship like trying to talk to other girls he use to mess with on his Facebook I know this because he was on my phone when checking his Facebook and forgot to log off... I chose to forgive him but I just can't forget which now makes trust and jealousy even a bigger issue... Now after a couple more months he told me today he thought we need to take a break because he is tired of the fighting and trying to maintain sobriety... He says he needs time to think.. And I asked about what and he said time to get his mind right... I don't know what to do... I feel so hurt, sad ... Please if anyone can help

Comments for Hurt and desperate

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Mar 12, 2012
Do You Love You?
by: Casey

Mary, your boyfriend, like you, is troubled by an abusive past of some kind. Addiction called to both of you. You may have replaced substance addiction to addiction to each other. Consider stepping back yourself. Let him step back as requested. But this time, choose the break, rather than submitting to thoughts that you are being victimized or abandoned by him. Your father's abuse has no power over you now. You do not need to be with a man to be whole. Be alone, with wonderful you, as long as it takes, to realize you are whole. I tell you what I needed to know myself 40 years ago, and think had I learned to step back and know myself better I would have made better choices. You have all the time you need to come to know and love YOU. Love, Casey

Mar 11, 2012
Don't be Desperate
by: Judith in California

Mary, Please consider not taking him back. HE has proven he is untrustworthy. The predictor of future behavior is past behavior.
Are you willing to let it go? Does he understand the hurt he has caused you. Sure he feels bad , not of what he did but that he was caught. You Have to trust your instincts. That deep down feeling you get is God giving you answers.

Tell him you need to have an open, honest , equal, loving caring relationship and won't settle for less and he can hit the road and never return. He has already proven he lies, and cheats, Both absolute deal breakers. Stick to your rules for yourself. You will save yourself from a lot of hurt that way. Never allow anyone to disrespect you in any way as he already has. It's better to be alone and have peace of mind than to be with Mr. Wrong.

Never lose your self respect and demand others treat you with respect.
Do not worry about him. He has to care about himself and get the help he needs or he will end up back where he was.

Take care and God bless you in this troubled time. Be strong for you.

Mar 10, 2012
Hurt and desperate
by: Mary

Thanks Judith , he came back to me today admitting and telling me he been acting strange and did cheat on me... That it didn't mean nothing, that he loves me and knows he made a mistake but had to get it off his chest if we were going to continue our relationship... Now I'm even more confused...

Mar 10, 2012
Hope this Sheds Some Light
by: Judith in California

Mary, give him the time he needs. Do not force him to be with you if he must go. That will only be more problems down the road and could jeopardize your recovery efforts you worked so hard on. In that time, work on your own issues. It sounds like you may want to consider therapy to help you along.

None of us are going to get out of life without being hurt once or twice. We are most vulnerable when we love someone. If you spend your time thinking you can't trust someone you will drive them to be untrustworthy by constantly checking up on them and being accusatory. There's an old saying "we create what we fear". Relax and talk with God and ask him for strength to stay on course with your staying clean and sober.

Best of things to you.

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