Hurt, just wishing I knew God's plan

Hey everyone. I’m not usually a person who would do something like this but the pain I’m feeling is so immense that I’m ready to try anything that might help. So I’ll just start.

My former boyfriend and I started dating about three years ago when I was 17; I’m almost 21 now. The relationship started out wonderfully. We never rushed into things and had similar values (or so I thought). But about 9 months into the relationship I started having suspicions that he was being unfaithful (calls from girls he had never mentioned were friends and a password on his laptop). This came after months of me never prying into cell phone, facebook, or email accounts. I never imagined that I needed to and I kept quiet about my suspicions for a couple of months, as I didn’t have any solid proof. Then one day I saw him typing his password and decided to check what was going on for myself. Well low and behold, there were so many females he conversed with about dirty subjects, pornography sites saved, and a general lack of disregard for myself. I confronted him about these things and we had a long conversation where both cried and felt like it had all come to an end. I was in love though, and I couldn’t just walk away. I have an extremely forgiving heart and I decided to try and help him. He agreed that he wanted my help (he comes from a Christian background and I truly believe he was disgusted with himself but didn’t know how to stop) and would do whatever it took to have me back. He went to therapy, we both had open access to each other computers and phones, and after a few months we agreed to try and rebuild our relationship.

As expected, this process took a while. I was very hurt and uncomfortable being intimate with him for quite some time. Fast forward 2 years and we were very, very happy. We had plans to get engaged when we both graduate from college, and both of our families seemed in tune to those plans. I had completely forgiven him and felt that he really had changed. I was so proud of him for doing what he did.

But just a few days ago my world was turned upside down for the second time. As I looked in his history I found multiple searches for pornography. Needless to say it was a huge blow to my heart. I know people have differing views on this matter but I’m strongly against the business because of the influence it has on young teenagers. Not to mention, how women are objectified and the violent ideas it plants in some men’s minds. Well I confronted him. This time less hysterical. I asked how long it had been going on. He said for a few months. I know most people would say I’m naïve to believe anything he says but he spent so much on therapy and this is the first time I’ve found it, and I’m fairly diligent.

Well I told him I thought I was just enabling him by being supportive and continuing to date him. So we ended things with a very tearful conversation on both sides. I’m torn up inside. I love this person so much, despite what he’s done to me. It’s illogical. I can’t imagine him not in my life. Everything in our relationship is wonderful except for this one action. Maybe that’s why I’m struggling so much. Somehow through all my own pain, I feel bad for him too. I know he’s hurting. We had so many plans and dreams. I want this pain to subside so bad.

Comments for Hurt, just wishing I knew God's plan

Click here to add your own comments

Mar 05, 2012
God's will for you
by: Jen

I am sorry that you are in so much pain - it is the worst pain I believe outside of loosing a child. I am a Christian and I believe the spirit of lust is almost impossible to's such a deep strong hold. You cannot help him he has to get free and want it. Take care of yourself and know that God has a plan for your life - rest in His will for you. One thing that has helped me tremendously no matter what I go through is....I wake each morning get on my knee's and pray "thy will be done" I use to choke on those words but now no matter what I know God has a better way for me. Let go and let God you'll surprised at what God will do for you if you let Him. I am praying for you!!

Mar 03, 2012
God's plan may never be known
by: Anonymous

You said that you are a Christian. I do not know where you live however you can check out churches in your neighborhood and see if they offer a program called Celebrate Recovery. It is a Christian program based on the Beatitudes focused on Recovery, for men and women from depression, anxiety, sexual addictions, food addictions, eating disorders, and everything in between. It is a Christ centered program. It can offer support for both yourself and your boyfriend. My concern right now would be for you to find freedom, peace and comfort in the knowledge that there may be some one else that God would have for you. If however, you believe that God would like this individual to be the person in your life, this could be a starting point. The program focuses on individual growth. You would have to sort out what it is that you want and need in your life and your boyfriend or whether ex would be given the opportunity to address his issues at the same time. God desires nothing but the best for all of His children and right now it sounds like you are not in a right relationship. Remember God does not make junk and even while you may have kicked your friend to the curb the garbage men have not picked him up and delivered him to the dump. We are all sinners and God loves sinners. Including me and you....Hope you find what you are looking for...NANCY

Mar 03, 2012
God's Plan
by: Judith

I'm truly sorry you are hurting over someone who will require more work than you have time for.

That being said let me say too that I'm so tired of guys using an "addiction" to sex as an excuse. They mean they have no self control. He doesn't care to monitor his emotions and say to himself this is not how I want to be or treat women. Just because we can do something doesn't mean we should do something because it will make us feel good at the time. He has the choice to turn off the computer. He has the choice to say this is wrong and I'm not doing it. He has the choice to say I won't hurt her by making her feel less than when I go into those sites. Even when he had the counseling he still chose to continue to choose porn over you.

It was never about you or anything you did or didn't do. You did your best and You deserve better.

God's plan is for us to live in his likeness and be kind to one another and to build good character so we will be fit for the kingdom of heaven

Mar 02, 2012
Sorry about your loss
by: Anonymous

Hey. I'm really sorry. I sort of know how you're feeling... just went through a hard break up myself. Trying to trust God because I know He loves me, and He loves you, too. I'll be praying for you.

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Lost Relationship.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief

Free Griefwork

Free Stress

SBI Video Tour!