husaband left me out of the blue, worst time of my life

by emma
(hamilton, on, ca)

my husband and i have been together for 11 years. married 6. we had a pretty good marriage. we were freinds still laughed together cuddled. we were happy and so was he. we did have a big issue infertility. we had been trying for 5 years now. that took a toll on us for sure. i went thru my depression last year. questioned things, my marriage. but with friends and therapy realized it wasnt about my husband it was about my sadness. so over time i was able to be happy again and see all the good i had with my husband.(I DIDNT LEAVE JUST WENT THRU A SAD TIME WITH HIM).

we goT a puppy and that helped more. so things seemed ok. there were some issues like finding More time with each other, we both worked alot. and reconnecting on a intamacy level that infertility put a struture to it, and we lost the fun. i discussed these with him but he reassured me everything was fine when we r away we have fun and the intamcy returns. and he was right. we just needed toplan more times for each other. besides that we went about our days happily no arguements, he seemed content. and i was in a better place.
his brother had a baby, and this i guess is when things changed.
valentines came he again told me how i ment everything to him etc. we made two date for that week things were ok so i thought....alittle more to this week tho i will add later

few days after valentines he said he wanted to talk....
he said he wasnt happy and didnt know if he still loved me as he was crying, apologizing over and over , and saying he was so confused asking if this was a mid life crisis.
he said he thought he was happy and then when he saw his brother with his new born baby in the hospital things all changed for him. long story short he left the next day. we talked at my insistance only a couple of times and he has never come back. its been 7 weeks now and this week i asked him to let me know what was going on. r we working this out or no. he said no he wanted a divorce and not interested in trying to work anything out.

he just left ? didnt want to even try, first time he ever had doubts about us and he left with no effort to work on things.
yes i tried to discuss what his feeling could all be about and that it was normal but he didnt agree.i asked for therapy etc ...nothing.

so back to that last week. his sister friend amanda, also let me tell u his sister not a fan of me. anyways he works remodelling and stuff he was doing a job for this girl. things were not sitting right so i asked him is there anything up with amanda? he said no but in no way like my husband would. so i got more worried and had another question the next day. he said no i promise babe nothing is going on. ok. that sat..daytime, the night of the talk. that day asked him where he was and he said he was working at amandas. i got upset and said knowing how i was feeling dont u think it would have been a good idea to let me know u still had work to do there i thought u were pretty much done.

anyways that night during our talk actually it was two night of talk then he left. the second night i asked him to be honest with me is there someone else, he cried and said it was eating him up. i asked who he said amanda..i said what happened . he said i flirted with her and had a couple talks with her that i was unhappy in my marriage.
he was so upset so guilty sayind things like dont u know i know i am an asshole and i know i may of ruined my marriage, can we fix it can we work this out he was desperate...i was kinda hysterical at the time. trust, this was his sisters friend, i was saying how can we now i dont trust you, this is your sister freind, etc etc. and i asked him to leave, actually demanding so i could just process. i called him an hour later and told him he could come back he did.
he came back denying the story he didnt flirt, and the conversation was like this with her...amanda was saying she wished her and her boyfriend did such and such and my husband said ya i wish me and my wife did more things too.
and had denied any involvement since.

i know my husband he is a loyal guy so i know the first story was the truth that was enough to make him feel like the worst person on earth. i think he enjoyed her attention and it made him doubt us. y did he enjoy her attention what did that mean for our marriage? and the whole baby thing all in the same week.

so now here we are not working on anything, no therapy and he denies that intial amanda story to this day.. and like i said he just asked me for a divorce.his first bump and thisis how he handled it wow kinda hard to forgive this.

he didnt really reach out to me at all, our two talks we at my insistance. not much ii can do he feels its over.
but it has been very hard. first two weeks worst timeof my life. now coming to terms have giving up fighting it, have stopped talking to him. and just getting myself prepared for seperation divorce, and acceptance ... nothing else i could do . i certainly tried but just couldnt get thru to him. didnt help his sister is where he is staying most. oh and yes it was his sister again that he talked to that night after i asked him to leave and he came back a different man no longer desperate or remorseful, and changed the story a bit , yes his sister. my number 1 fan.

so here i am, doing what i can to be ok. i am getting there. lucky to have great parents, great sister and great friends :)

thnx for listening, look forward to your comments

Comments for husaband left me out of the blue, worst time of my life

Click here to add your own comments

Apr 18, 2012
not alone
by: Anonymous

My husband left me 4/14/12. I never saw it coming. He always tells me how great it is to have someone that you can hang out with, laugh with, and just be around that loves you. Now he tells me that he'll never love me as much as I love him. He isn't happy because he feels like his love for me is like that of a sister or a daughter. He does a lot for me, it's true, but I do a lot for him too. We decided last night to take a break. His idea of a break is him living with his dad, seeing other people, and still having access to my house, my money, and anything else I have. He has nothing to bring to the table. He blames me for his being financially worthless, I blame the fact that he works half as much as I do and makes less than half of what I do. I know that whatever happens, I will come out stronger.
And so will you.

Apr 11, 2012
I have been There
by: Gary

I know loss I loss my wife that I loved more then anything and on feb 2 2012 she pased away, her name was Dawn she was only 43 yrs old. we were going to live our live's together and grow old together. I live with pain from a broken hart but a broken hart will heel in time I have been depressed since she had passed. so I know the pain that is in your hart right now. it is very hard to get through,but you will don't let this pain consume you. I hope what I said will help you. if you need to talk you can email me at Have a bless Day

Gary Z

Apr 09, 2012
Wow - what a story
by: Nancy

Emma - the best suggestions that I could give - is to thine own self be true. It is hard to look after yourself - when you are looking for and longing for the attention of others. It is important especially now when it feels like your whole world is upside down. It is hard to know who is one your side and who is not. It is hard to know who you can trust and who you can not. It would be nice to think that you could turn to your husband and share with him anything going on in your world but it doesn't sound like that is a possibility for you right now. I am glad that you have the support of your parents and siblings. Also learning how to love yourself is the best solution - but how do we do that..I am praying that your husband learns to find that first love..the love that he had for you when you first entered your relationship....having a marriage and making a commitment is a work in progress everyday and sometimes every moment...and it takes work by both people. I hope he comes to his sound like a beautiful person...I hope something I said helps....

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Lost Relationship.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief

Free Griefwork

Free Stress

SBI Video Tour!