husaband left me out of the blue, worst time of my life
(hamilton, on, ca)
my husband and i have been together for 11 years. married 6. we had a pretty good marriage. we were freinds still laughed together cuddled. we were happy and so was he. we did have a big issue infertility. we had been trying for 5 years now. that took a toll on us for sure. i went thru my depression last year. questioned things, my marriage. but with friends and therapy realized it wasnt about my husband it was about my sadness. so over time i was able to be happy again and see all the good i had with my husband.(I DIDNT LEAVE JUST WENT THRU A SAD TIME WITH HIM).
we goT a puppy and that helped more. so things seemed ok. there were some issues like finding More time with each other, we both worked alot. and reconnecting on a intamacy level that infertility put a struture to it, and we lost the fun. i discussed these with him but he reassured me everything was fine when we r away we have fun and the intamcy returns. and he was right. we just needed toplan more times for each other. besides that we went about our days happily no arguements, he seemed content. and i was in a better place.
his brother had a baby, and this i guess is when things changed.
valentines came he again told me how i ment everything to him etc. we made two date for that week things were ok so i thought....alittle more to this week tho i will add later
few days after valentines he said he wanted to talk....
he said he wasnt happy and didnt know if he still loved me as he was crying, apologizing over and over , and saying he was so confused asking if this was a mid life crisis.
he said he thought he was happy and then when he saw his brother with his new born baby in the hospital things all changed for him. long story short he left the next day. we talked at my insistance only a couple of times and he has never come back. its been 7 weeks now and this week i asked him to let me know what was going on. r we working this out or no. he said no he wanted a divorce and not interested in trying to work anything out.
he just left ? didnt want to even try, first time he ever had doubts about us and he left with no effort to work on things.
yes i tried to discuss what his feeling could all be about and that it was normal but he didnt agree.i asked for therapy etc ...nothing.
so back to that last week. his sister friend amanda, also let me tell u his sister not a fan of me. anyways he works remodelling and stuff he was doing a job for this girl. things were not sitting right so i asked him is there anything up with amanda? he said no but in no way like my husband would. so i got more worried and had another question the next day. he said no i promise babe nothing is going on. ok. that sat..daytime, the night of the talk. that day asked him where he was and he said he was working at amandas. i got upset and said knowing how i was feeling dont u think it would have been a good idea to let me know u still had work to do there i thought u were pretty much done.
anyways that night during our talk actually it was two night of talk then he left. the second night i asked him to be honest with me is there someone else, he cried and said it was eating him up. i asked who he said amanda..i said what happened . he said i flirted with her and had a couple talks with her that i was unhappy in my marriage.
he was so upset so guilty sayind things like dont u know i know i am an asshole and i know i may of ruined my marriage, can we fix it can we work this out he was desperate...i was kinda hysterical at the time. trust, this was his sisters friend, i was saying how can we now i dont trust you, this is your sister freind, etc etc. and i asked him to leave, actually demanding so i could just process. i called him an hour later and told him he could come back he did.
he came back denying the story he didnt flirt, and the conversation was like this with her...amanda was saying she wished her and her boyfriend did such and such and my husband said ya i wish me and my wife did more things too.
and had denied any involvement since.
i know my husband he is a loyal guy so i know the first story was the truth that was enough to make him feel like the worst person on earth. i think he enjoyed her attention and it made him doubt us. y did he enjoy her attention what did that mean for our marriage? and the whole baby thing all in the same week.
so now here we are not working on anything, no therapy and he denies that intial amanda story to this day.. and like i said he just asked me for a divorce.his first bump and thisis how he handled it wow kinda hard to forgive this.
he didnt really reach out to me at all, our two talks we at my insistance. not much ii can do he feels its over.
but it has been very hard. first two weeks worst timeof my life. now coming to terms have giving up fighting it, have stopped talking to him. and just getting myself prepared for seperation divorce, and acceptance ... nothing else i could do . i certainly tried but just couldnt get thru to him. didnt help his sister is where he is staying most. oh and yes it was his sister again that he talked to that night after i asked him to leave and he came back a different man no longer desperate or remorseful, and changed the story a bit , yes his sister. my number 1 fan.
so here i am, doing what i can to be ok. i am getting there. lucky to have great parents, great sister and great friends :)
thnx for listening, look forward to your comments