Husband abandoned me scared and alone

My husband came to me and said he wants a divorce. We have 5 kids 3 from a previous relationship 2 that our his he has been there for the other children since kindergarten on up and they know him as their dad. He wants nothing to do with the three older kids even though he tried to adopt them 2 years ago. He said he's going back to California and will send a child support check in the mail for his kids. He is almost done with his education and has left me homeless with no education I haven't worked for the past six years. He treats me like I don't exist and have no feelings. Im scared and I don't know what to do he does not make enough money to pay spousal support and will being quitting his job to move back to California. He has not come to see his 2 and 4 year old they are devastated, he says he will be a good father away from me Im hurt and confused?

Comments for Husband abandoned me scared and alone

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Feb 14, 2012
by: Anonymous

I have the highest level degree possible, as does my husband, and I quit (temporarily) my long-term corporate career to RAISE the babies I BIRTHED. How dare some anonymous person on a SUPPORT page blame a woman RAISING FIVE children for NOT having a higher degree??
You don't know her story, but RAISING babies and children 24-7 all day and night is the hardest job on the planet- take it from me, one who worked 15 hr days in serious, long-hours, not huge pay but creative and rewarding career working up from $0 hour TV news intern to 8 years later having staff and window office in top level job overlooking prestigious area, or even ask my husband, an overly paid lawyer (not me) -- RAISING children is the most exhausting job in the WORLD - and having FIVE of them. I only have 2, close in age, and getting to take a SHOWER is a luxury. To think I used to have time to "blow dry" hair or get "ready" for work. Have city coffee "meetings," expensive "corporate" dinners with amazing food and no screaming children throwing food in hair of the neighbor or pooping all over the restroom. REALLY?
If you can judge someone on THIS site, going through a CRISIS, for not having a higher education, and instead raising a huge family and supporting a husband who likely worked long hours, it's such a sad reflection of where our society is going and how little importance is given to the heart of the family, the intense hard work, thankless work, no salaries, no promotions, just raising the CHILDREN you BORE instead of handing them off to strangers for 12 hrs a day at 6 wks. Being a mother (or full time father), which for generations was considered one of the most important job on the planet, and STILL IS today, is slowly becoming something a woman should feel BAD about.
Yes, I have a higher education, but I married late. Look where it got me, stressed out marriage of corporate husband just wanting more and more, never happy in this capitalist society.
BUT THIS WOMAN could have easily met the man of her dreams young, as sometimes I hoped to (but always loved my career, and would still find a way to do) and at the ripe age of 16 fallen in love, got married, and then had children by 20 (healthiest age, I had many gross complications during labor being older mom) and then RAISED them for years on end- when the heck is she going to have ANY time to herself- to shower - to friggin even take one night class and finding sitter for 5 kids, let alone getting a higher degree. This is a GRIEF site. Your words are thoughtless and unkind and hurt my heart for that dear woman.

Amazing how judgmental someone can be - even on a site like this where people go for help and support- do you have a clue what you are talking about mister?

Feb 06, 2012
been there too
by: Peggy

The person before me under get help how dare he say it is not your husbands fault concerning your education. Most wives that are mothers put heir husbands and kids before themselves. With that many children, I doubt you could afford school or had the time to go. Try to get alimony and child support ordered. He may not have a job today but who knows what he will have down the road. If you have the orders in place then you can enforce them when he has a job and garnish him. It will add up over time. You will be able to seize his tax returns. Do not give him exemptions on the kids even if he pays child support. Have your child support state X amount until the last child reaches 23 if in school. That way he can't cut it in half when the older turns of age and he will be forced to help with college or trade school. I've been dumped on too and gave up my career and a BS for my ex. When you are raising kids, it is hard to work, keep house, run kids around and go to school. There is nothing anyone can say to help with the pain and rejection you are dealing with. Time will never heal the scars. Don't let anyone tell you to get over it or move on. Take your time, one day at a time, cry when you need to, cuss him on the bad days, just don't blame yourself for his pathetic lost of manhood. It will be tough, especially with that many children but there are programs out there to help you. Apply for everything you can even if you can don't think you qualify. It can be embarrassing to ask for help but sometimes we just have too. I hope things get better for you soon.

Feb 01, 2012
Be strong
by: Anonymous

You do not deserve this and it is not your fault he is doing this. However, you will need to take control for your kids. Get a temporary custody order. Apply for social services, including food stamps. Talk to a caseworker about educational opportunities. You sound lime a smart lady. Make a list of what needs to be done first. Assume no one will rescue you and start taking charge. Do one thing every day that makes you feel in control: the laundry, cook dinner, read a story to the kids, check out the want ads, apply for assistance. Pretty soon you will have accomplished a lot. Ask your friends and family to help! I don't know you but you are a sister. Smile in the mirror and remember, god does not make mistakes.

Jan 30, 2012
Get Help
by: Anonymous

I'm sorry you are alone and scared with children to worry about. Husband is a real piece of useless crap.

That being said it's not his fault you are uneducted with no resources to care for children who are not yours. Please get yourself a lawyer . There are some who work for indigent people Call your local state offices to find out. In the meantime you will need to find a way to get the education you need to move forward.
I hope you have a family member to help you. Be strong for those kids. They need you to show them how strong you can be in adverse situations.

Good luck .

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