Husband, Best Friend, Soul Mate, Father of My Children, Business Partner

by Carmen Mroz
(Abbotsford, BC, Canada)

Celebrating our 21st Anniversary in Central Park,  New York

Celebrating our 21st Anniversary in Central Park, New York

Celebrating our 21st Anniversary in Central Park,  New York
Andy and 3 of my brothers goofing around at the camp

Wow,the loss of 5 people all rolled into one man - The Love of My Life.

Andy just turned 51 and died suddenly in the early hrs of May 23, 2012 as the coroner put it, "Sudden Cardiac Dysrhythmia due to Severe Atherosclerotic Coronary Artery Disease".

No warning sign, never saw it coming, no complaints, nothing. Like a Tornado. Just as quickly as it started it was over before I knew it.

We had an enjoyable evening out with our son, came home had a few laughs with the kids and kissed each other good night for what was to be the last time.

I was with him when it happened - around 2:30 in the morning he just shot up from his pillow and couldn't breathe, his stomach filled with air/gas and it was so swollen I was shocked by what I was seeing and didn't understand what was going on. He let out a deep breath and just laid there staring into nothingness. I was already on the phone with 911 and they told me to do CPR until the ambulance arrived, which seemed like it took forever. They grabbed Andy and put him on the floor in our room and started working on him. A paramedic stayed with me in the kitchen as more crew arrived - the house was full of people. Two of our children, we have 3, sleep downstairs (22 and 18) were scared by all the commotion and thought something horrible was happening upstairs and they called 911 as well. So we had police, fire department, the whole nine yards at our house.

The paramedics came out and told us that there was a faint pulse and that they were taking Andy to the hospital and we were to follow in another ambulance. Upon arrival they immediately brought me into "the room" and told me there was no hope to save him. I could not, would not accept this and told them to get back in there and keep trying and do everything in their power to save him. They tried for 2 hrs to no avail.

Andy had actually passed away at home. The paramedics simply told us their was a faint pulse so that we would go to the hospital with them.

So, in the span of 2.5 hrs everything that we had build together during the past 25 years was gone, burnt out like a candle. With of course the exception of our 3 wonderful children.

It wasn't suppose to happen like this, the kids were getting older, we were seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and preparing to take more time off from our business to do some traveling, riding his Harley and to just spent time together, we really enjoyed each others company. In other words, it was our turn.

Instead, I'm left with a business (24/7) that I have to run myself, thank goodness we have some very good people working for us and they are helping me. I have the kids that I am very concerned about. All of our family on both sides live 3000 miles away and because we have been raising our family and building a business for the last 25 years it left very little time to meet people. I don't have a lot of friends here but the kids do. This is their home.

I find myself in the same position as them. They are moving forward with their lives and looking at bright futures and I, at the age of 52 have to start over. Something I never thought I would have to do.

We had a GREAT marriage, we seldom fought, we got along very well for two people who since they met in 1987 have worked side by side ever since.

There are times when I just want to scream at him for leaving me alone and then after I do I realize - it wasn't his fault, or mine or anyone's - it's just a horrible tragedy that has happened to our family.

Andy's father passed away at 62 heart related, his younger brother suffered a massive heart attack at 43 50% damage to his heart and he worries me and now my son. The last of the family line he's the only boy - no uncles survived the war. I fear for him.

For Andy I mourn all the things he was looking forward to, being the 1st grandfather on his side of the family, giving the girls away at their weddings. Watching his children flourish. Growing old with me.

For my children I mourn the same things and also that they have lost such a wonderful father and role model -- I have often told them how lucky they are to have a father like Andy, as my own Dad was not so kind. I remind them that he may not have been in their lives for a long time but it was all quality time that they will never forget. And that he loved them so.

For myself I mourn all the above and more. I mourn for the life that was stolen from us too quickly. I'm scared to go thru this journey yet fully understand that I must. Trust me, there are times that I just want to get on the next plane and go somewhere far away and not deal with any of this. Then i get a reality check and realize that it will still be here when I get back and will be even harder to deal with.

We are seeking help to get us thru this as I want the healing process to be a healthy one for the kids and I. I want to honor Andy and the life we built and shared. I want to be able to move forward with my life as well as I do not believe that Andy would want me sitting around grieving for him for the rest of my life.

He would want me to carry on and for him and the children and myself I will. I miss him terribly and always will.

I love you sweetheart. xoxoxoxo

Comments for Husband, Best Friend, Soul Mate, Father of My Children, Business Partner

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Aug 08, 2013
I just found out
by: Dave L

I met Andy several years ago and over the years kept in touch about security opportunities while I traveled the globe looking for that great protection job. Andy let me come in and get certified in BC and we talked off and on and I always admired what he did with his company. Its not too often grassroots companies do so well. I got on line today since I am back in BC and hoped to touch base with Andy and see whats new. I googled his name to see if he had moved on to facebook and saw this link. I am saddened to see that such a nice person is no longer around.

My sympathies go out to his wife and family.

Aug 03, 2012
I just lived the same thing
by: Anonymous

I'm sorry...your story touched me so. I just lived through the same thing this past June and my husband was fishing on our dock that morning, we were at our cabin. Then he ran down to our house just overnight for a business meeting. They found him next to his car, and also tried to revive him, same thing. Massive heart attack...I wasn't there. I woke up to messages on my cell phone, and he was gone...it's like a nightmare I can't wake up from. I'm sorry for your loss...and mine. Much love!!

Jul 31, 2012
Thankyou
by: Barb

Dear Trish (love never dies) I really felt the first empathy after reading what you had written. I too had known Bill most of my life (from when I was 16) - we had been married for over 41 years and he died immediately from a massive heart attack in May 2011. I really miss all the things you talked about - his voice, his laugh, his goodnight kisses and especially his big strong hands. I miss him so much and that he knew and loved me better than anyone is a constant joy and grief to me. We had 6 children and they are loving and wonderful to me but how do I find myself? I know that I have time and energy but where do I go? What do I do? I am trusting in the process of grief and believe that one day soon I will know what to do with the rest of my life. In the meantime and forever I trust that Bill continues to love me as I do him. I believe too that love never dies.

Jul 27, 2012
I'm so sorry
by: Chris

Carmen,

I was so sorry to read about your husband. I can relate- I am 47, was married 25 years, have 3 kids (18, 20, 24) and we too were looking to "the next phase" of our life together and took great joy from reconnecting when the youngest left for college. My husband died suddenly as well.

I have made it through 6 months. It has not been easy. I find the sudden death aspect of it all is very trying. I keep making it to different milestones (kids home from school, a trip etc) and feel that I made it thru successfully so can't he come back now? Like this was a test or a drill. I know it sounds ridiculous but hard to believe this is all real and this is the spot I am in now.

I worry about my kids as well. And I tell them a similar thing - they were lucky to be able to share as many things as we did with their dad. We have a lot of beautiful memories.

One of the reasons we feel so bad is because we loved him so much and we will miss him so much. I guess we should feel lucky to have had him.

Jul 25, 2012
I am so sorry for your loss
by: Anonymous

Grief is something you will have to go thru. Noone can understand this until they have been there. It is not an easy road. You will experience many changes in life, but this will be your hardest change adapting to a life without him. It will be two years for me in December. I am still trying to cope. I want to be able to enjoy life again. I sometimes think I cannot stand this grief pain any longer; just wish it would go away. Maybe I need to be more patient. It is just so lonely without him. He was my best friend in life and I miss his companionship. Noone understood me like he did. Make sure you do your grief work. Cry as much as you can. Get it out of your system. My Dad died 19 days later and I had to take care of many things. I did not have time for my grief. I was way too busy. Now I feel frozen and numb. It is as if I have no energy left. My children think I am OK; that I am doing good. This concerns me a little. We have not talked much about it; other than we really miss him alot and that things are not the same. Life will never be as it was. I need to accept this. I know I need to accept this and move on and develop a new mormal without him. I need to be more creative with this. For me it is hard to be creative without energy. I am praying for strength today and am hopeful that I will come to a place in life where I feel OK with what has happened to me and my family.
While I cannot do your grieving for you or you for me, we can be with each other in honest and tender companionship.

Jul 25, 2012
Husband, Best Friend,Soul Mate, Father, businees partner
by: Doreen U.K.

Carmen I am deeply sorry for your loss of your husband Andy at 51yrs. You are such a very articulate and very Positive person. Your happy, loving, vibrant personality comes through your writing of your loss of your Best friend, soul mate, business partner, and Father of your chidren. You sound as if you have such a very HEALTHY outlook that is actually a blessing to me having read your story.
Reality says. You have to go through the process of Grief. It just happens. Not something one chooses. The grief process is different for each of us as is the duration of this grief. Just don't try to get it over with quickly. It doesn't work like this. Don't keep yourself so busy that you don't have time to feel the feelings of grief. You will just postpone this for later and it will feel worse. If you ever get stuck in grief. Find a grief counsellor. They are here for this purpose. I can understand how you feel. I was married 44yrs. and lost my husband 10 weeks ago, to a deadly cancer caused by working with asbestos. Being angry is part of the grief. My husband Steve did not want to die. He wanted to live and he had 3yrs. of agony, each day wondering when it would be his last. I wasn't prepared for his death. I was in DENIAL. It hurts so much. Like you I wish I could get on a plane to an island somewhere and forget everything. Steve had 2 years to retire when he was diagnosed with MESOTHELIOMA. He had to come out of work and had been looking foward to his retirement. Steve was a carpenter and was going to set up a carpentry shop in the garage and make furniture. He worked 40 years to build up his pension. Then the government take half of it back. I have to struggle now and watch every cent. I say to anyone. MAKE THE MOST OF THE TIME YOU HAVE. Make time for each other. None of us knows when our time is up. I have the same disease as your husband has. I am on medication for this. Blood thinners, and for dealing with cholestorol. It is a very hard road to travel now being all alone. All the plans we had to travel and just live a simple but happy life. ALL GONE. I worked in the home with my husband for 44yrs. building up each home we bought. then Steve gets an extension built and the house is all finished and he doesn't get to enjoy this. it is now too big. I have to sell it now. And start all over again which I don't want to do. WE have to go on in life nevertheless and start over again. However we do it. Thank you for your story. I hope all your plans work out for you in the way you want it to. that you will get through your grief and continue to move forward in the Positive way you see. That your vision for the future will be realized and you will be in a happier place in the weeks, months, and years ahead. Best wishes.

Jul 24, 2012
So very sorry
by: Anonymous

Dear Carmen,

I am so sorry for your loss. I, too, lost the love of my life to sudden cardiac arrest, five months ago. One minute the world was fine, and in the blink of an eye, it was not. We had 22 years together, and we were happy.

I sought the help of doctors. There was no way I could deal, otherwise. I am still dazed and there are many days when I just cry. We don't have kids, so I am alone.

It's very difficult to accept our powerless position. I keep thinking about what I could have done, but I arrive at the same concludion every time: nothing. Knowing this doesn't make it any easier.

I try to console myself with the thought that there was no suffering involved. Small comfort, yes, but it's something to hold on to. You're lucky you got to kiss each other goodnight. And of course, you have your kids.

My hope is that you're able to find time to grieve properly. Nothing will ever be the same. For me, I'm still trying to set new goals for myself.

Please accept my sincere condolences.

Rob





Jul 24, 2012
it's so very tough
by: Ted

Carmen,

Your story resonated so closely with what I am going through...

I know the question of WHY will never be answered. I know that my companion didn’t choose to leave me in the way he did 4 months ago...as your Andy did not choose either. I know my partner loved me and I know he knew how much I loved him...as Andy did for you. I have (and you will have) an immeasurable sense of gratitude for that, but at the same time the overwhelming feeling of sadness and loss. It’s not there all the time. You realize that it’s not just your partner you’ve lost...it’s your whole life, your entire reason for living. It was (and is) the hardest thing you'll ever endure.

The pain has eased somewhat and the sad memories/moments are no longer as devastating as they were at the time...as they will become for you Carmen. So, when family and friends ask how you're doing, you'll put on a brave smile and say “not too bad” or “OK” or “I’m doing well”. But the truth is, at the moment you're probably not. The hardest part is missing all those intimate moments together in your LIFE...just the two of you, in your own little world, enjoying life, enjoying each other. Or having someone to talk to, or simply say “love you babe”, someone to open your heart to and tell your innermost thoughts and secrets to and know they’re safe with him...

As I did, you found true love and true happiness with your partner, and now it’s gone. This may sound terribly selfish, but I no longer grieve for the loss of Ron, I know he is gone and is not coming back. I grieve for myself, for the unconditional love in my heart, that is no longer shared in that special way, for the total happiness I can no longer find, for the spontaneous laughter and fun that is no longer here, for the comforting and all-knowing hug that I know will never come, or the tears that won’t wipe away. I know perhaps in the future I may be blessed to have something close to this again...or maybe never...that’s life and I have to take whatever may be around the corner...

Have faith that you will come out the other side of this wretchedness feeling deeply enriched by the love you had and the experiences you shared, and the lessons in life learned which will live on in your memory. I can only hope with all my heart that I will meet up with Ron “on the other side” to share eternity with him...my biggest fear is that this won’t happen...

Be thankful for your family and friendships and ongoing support through these turbulent times...they are a true Godsend...and yes, you will make it through, and you and your family will all laugh and tell “Andy” stories in the future – with a sense of thankfulness for him being a part of your lives and bringing you all together to share old and new memories and experiences.

Take care...

Jul 24, 2012
The Love Never Dies
by: TrishJ

Carmen~
I am truly so sorry for your loss. You are in the I'M STILL IN SHOCK phase of this unwelcome journey. It will be 20 months for we in a few weeks. I still have terrible days where I just want to sit and cry but have actually gotten to the point where I feel like I can do this.
My husband was my soul make too. I was 19 when we met. We were together for 37 years. Nothing in this life prepared me for the death of my husband.
I've done a lot of reading and soul searching. I know his death was part of God's plan (and obviously part of my plan). So.....what do I do with the rest of my life? Who am I without my husband by my side. The bible tells us to become one as man and wife....then suddenly I'm torn in half. It has taken me all this time to even be able to get up in the morning and face the day without him. I'm now ready to find out who I am but it is a daily work in progress.
All I can tell you is surround yourself with those who love you ~ love them back ~ be good to yourself. Take things slowly. We suffer from what they call widow brain. Some days things just seem so jumbled.
I miss my husband's voice, his laugh, the goodnight kisses, his knowing what I'm thinking by just looking at me ~ AND THOSE BIG STRONG HANDS.
God bless you as you venture on this journey. Always remember ~ the one thing that can never be taken from us is the love. He will always love you. Some days I find great strength in that. My husband loves me.....still....and always.

Jul 24, 2012
I understand
by: Meredith Horton

Oh, how I understand. My husband died March 23, pancreatic cancer, almost 6 months from the date of dx. We had been married over 41 yrs and loved each other dearly and passionately. We were so looking forward to a long retirement together but it won't be now. I and our girls are adjusting but it is hard. I'm 62 and can't imagine being alone the rest of my life and also can't comprehend ever loving anyone else. I praise God that He has been with me and supported in all this. Without God, I couldn't do it. I'll be praying for you.

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