Hyo Kim was beautiful. A lot of dudes at work had a crush on her, including myself. I actually had the pleasure of hanging out with her. We had lunches together. We had dinners together. I remember being so nervous asking her for the first time if she would like to have lunch with me. I remember a lot of things, actually. And will continue to do so until my last days. I only knew her for a short while, 3 1/2 years. But, I had the biggest crush on this lady. I told her this. I also told her I was in love with her. Pretty silly of me. Nothing came of it but, at least I got it off my chest and she knew. And that whole thing is probably why I haven't eatten or been right in the head since the bad news. Did not know what shock truly meant till that sad day. I've frickn cried so much the last couple days. It's like, "what man-card?" It just sort of hits me, randomly, and I just kind of lose control of my facial expression - never been so emotional. I didn't even know she had breast cancer. I didn't ask. I didn't want to be nosey. I figure I would eventally see her at work, and we'll pick up where we left off. She had not come into work for about a year. I feel so stupid for not asking. I feel guilty for not even calling. I have my reasons. When I had not seen her or talked to her for a whole year or 2 - 3 months even, I guess I should have swallowed my pride or shed my fears (whatever the fxxx that means). I'm sad. I'm angry. I'm stupid.
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