i am getting what I deserve

by fern
(miami)

After 14 years in a difficult marriage, i finally got the courage to leave my husband. I was no longer in love with him and he was a difficult person (uncompromising, a bully, way too attached to his parents who are crazy) but he had a good heart. Anyway, at first when i told him i was so relieved and hopeful about my future, but about one month into the divorce process he met someone online and became serious with her very quickly. Since then i have been depressed and sad and wondering if i made a huge mistake. i spend all day crying and am so scared to be alone. i know deep down i dont really want him back. Our relationship was not working for a very long time despite many attempts at counseling. Anyway, i never expected to feel so upset and worry that this feeling of despair will never go away. Of course i want him to be happy, but i feel like he replaced me very quickly and must not have loved me very much if he got over me in 5 minutes. But I chose to leave. I just dont know how to deal with this pain. Help!!!

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Jan 30, 2012
Believe in Yourself
by: Annabell

Choices we make for our own self preservation is often difficult. Because the majority of us entering into relationship commitments, never expect separations of our own doings. Seeing our mate changing towards the negative not wanting to reverse in order to stay with us, hurts. It's natural to feel all sorts of emotional turmoil when we decide to step out of what continues to make us unhappy. Knowing if it were another person asking us for them what to do, we'd tell them to leave and be happier in their new life. We have to Believe in what we tell ourselves, we need to hold ourselves up to a level, that if we didn't and don't cause harm or pain to another. Then we don't want that to be done to us. Placing us in position of being on an equal playing field when it comes to any human being around us. Believe, you are worth each and every day you wake up. In being free from emotional pain, silence,fear,un-loved areas. Even if it means we go out and mingle with others who enjoy a hobby we're interested in. At least we'd have and show each other respect. And one wouldn't feel sad by anyone who shared the same interest. So look in that mirror. Say out loud until you hear it. "I am somebody and deserve love, kindness,happiness and free from fear and neglect". Then go out and find others to associate with that are in positive activities. Many find a Church, physical exercise class, arts&crafts,female-male groups,and even within their own family there are people who need companionship. Believe in You.
Remember, we all can fake but that doesn't last long. So if this man has instantly changed. Remember all you would do for him and knowing if it were a true change with honest intentions. He'd a done it for you. It's more than likely a show out for his new prey. Good luck and God Bless him, cause he showed you no concerns.
Blessings.

Dec 04, 2011
Cheer Up :)
by: Rich

You are not getting what you deserve. All things happen for a reason. What you deserve is to be happy! Kick back with a glass of wine and watch a good movie :) or play some beach volley ball, work out and then order some penne ala vodka (great italian food!).

Counseling doesn't always work as well as you hope it would; so I believe that other support groups should be explored... but that is the past. Life is always full of great people, love and laughter.

Take care of yourself and if you ever want to chat I can be reached at richardboehler58@gmail.com. I understand how hard this can be; I recently posted on this website (see: "marriage").

Sincerely,

Rich

Dec 01, 2011
Help..
by: Samantha

I'm 20 years old and i've been through more pain than anyone i've ever known, i lost my Daddy this year and just a comment he said to me came to mind that i thought might help you :) Divorce isn't easy, it nearly killed my Dad, but he got through it, now how he did this was me.. he carried on fighting his pain because he had a daughter, now i don't know if you have children but is there something in your life, like family, friends? just one person you could put all your pain into helping someone, or put all your pain into doing something? Now it's up to you, but my email address is Racing10baby@live.co.uk
Email me anytime if you want to talk :) i've been through partner's who are controlling, beaten me, cheated.. you name it, they've done it, so i'll try and help in anyway i can :)

Dec 01, 2011
You deserve better
by: judith in Californiaj

Fern, begin your healing process vowing to begin loving yourself, being kind to yourself and not allow yourself to feel so much pain over someone who obviously cloud care less if you breathe. It's far worse to be in a loveless relationship than to be alone.WE aren't defined by who we are with. Put a tight rubber band around your wrist and everytime you find yourself thinking of that worthless person snap that rubber band so it stings your skin to remind yourself of the pain he caused you. It bothers me that in this day and age some women still hang on to a man who mistreats them all because they fear being alone. Love your self and stop the madness and still seek help to understand yourself and why you chose such a jerk. Stop punishing yourself.

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