I am grieving the loss of my best friend, my husband

by Joanne
(Halifax Va)

It's been almost three months since my husband and I split up. He was my best friend in the world and he chose his family over "our family". He cannot see that he has destroyed our marriage and our family. I realize that he does not love me and that makes me doubt that he ever did. Things were great when I was working and supporting the family while he sat at home and did as little as possible. I lost my job in May 2009 and by November 2010, my unemployment benefits expired AND he had to find work to support our family.
In May of this year, I discovered that he had returned to smoking marijuana (I suspected it for a year, but had no proof). By June, we gave up our house when we got a disconnect notice for the power and moved in with my parents. During the move, I found out that he planned on moving home to his parents to "find work". I told him that if he did, our marriage was over, he chose to stay and managed to stay a month at my parents house. He made things impossible, complained all of the time about everything. I caught him smoking pot again and even find out that he was carrying around a pot pipe in his wallet. At the end of July, we just had to go visit his parents in our hometown 150 miles away. We fought over his mother's meddling AGAIN! I ended up having to call the police in order to leave with our children. He chose his mother over us and refused to come home, saying that he had NO home.
The week after I came back, I filed for custody of our three children and later filed for support as well, when he still refused to come back.
We had been married for 4 and one-half years, and together on-and-off for 20 years (due to his drug use) I feel like a Fool for believing in him and it infuriates me that I am the bad guy in this, when all that I have done is love and support him. He has said that I don't know him and I think that he is right. Maybe I never really knew him at all, because he is incapable of being completely honest. I feel like I have been played for a fool for the last five years. My heart is broken.

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Nov 06, 2011
I have been there
by: Anonymous

I have been there. Lost a marriage to a very similar situation. I thought I had found the love of my life. He got into a car accident 1 month before our marriage. He began to have chronic migraines from the accident and lost his job. I was supporting the whole family. He got a settlement from insurance and spent it all within 9 months on garbage and stuff for his grown children. He left me 2 weeks before our 2nd wedding anniversary. Turns out he had already been moving his stuff to a house he had rented across the street from his oldest sons family. He told me he was helping his sons fleamarket business by bringing his son his collection of toy cars. Not so. I was so busy working that I didn't really see what was going on. I didn't know him. He used me.
I put myself in the same situation with another man in 2010. I am grieving so much for yet another jerk who used me and lied to me. I hope I can find something to bring me comfort like you have found. Thanks for your words

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