I am hurting physically

by Judy

My husband died 2 months ago from alzheimers. I took care of him at home. I could not bear to put him in a nursing home. It was hard work and very emotional. He died unexpectedly because he went down hill quickly and had a heart attack and kidney failure. I wake up in the morning and have this heavy feeling in my chest and do not want to get up and face another day. I want only to curl up in a ball and cry.I stare out the window with grief just flowing through every part of my body and soul. Some days are better than others but I can't get moving or accomplish anything. I am forgetful, messy...even getting washed and dressed is an insurmountable task. I am lonely but don't want to be around people except my older daughter. My younger daughter is going through a terrible divorce but she only thinks of me as someone who she doesn't like except for what I can do for her. When the pain of my husband lets up slightly, she will sabotage it by being angry at me. No one can understand why she is this way. I want to help her and I love my grandchildren but she makes it imposssible so I get more depressed. I do not know what to do, when will the grief be tolerable, when can I have a day that I don't cry.
When will I be able to function as a normal human being!!! I miss the days when my husband was not ill and I resent this horrible disease.

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