i am just a good mamas girl. i am sorry.

by meta

I lost my mum when I was five and from then on i lived with my grandmother. She died when I was twelve and then I lived with my aunt and her family in the countryside. They were strictly catholic and did not let me go out as i was a teenager. sometimes they let me visit this other aunt and her children who were more carefree which i liked but people teased me because i was always nice and good and obedient. I felt as if i really had no home. I feel people cannot understand why i am so serious sometimes. Often when i meet a group of people and when they start talking about their families i feel left out. It is hard to say listen up everyone my mother is dead. Please do not ask me about my parents in a small talk. i do not know what to do or how to handle my emotions. they do not come with the instructions in a package. I am good. I do my homework. I want to have a normal family. And a part of me is sad because it thins that by losing a mother i missed chances to develop my creative potential.

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Mar 13, 2012
Nothing wrong with being good...
by: Gail

Hi Meta.
It sounds like your mom would be very proud of you. How old are you? With whom and where do you live now?
I lost my father at a young age and my grandfather a year later.
I don't know if you read my page but my daughter was recently killed by a drunk driver. She was 21.
As far as the creativity, it will come but you have to feed it. I have found that writing was one thing that I enjoyed and it was a place for all of the feelings that I felt were bottled up. Another thing that I did was to get involved at school. I was in concert choir, swing choir, Explorers (co-ed boyscouts), newspaper etc... I was a good girl too and don't ever apologize for that. I am now 52 and I'm glad I'm the way I am.....Being good now and doing what you should will make your life much easier when your older.
Just go inside yourself and then look around. Find a group of people that you feel comfortable with. Clubs and school activities are great. So are sports if your into that sort of thing. I always wanted to start painting but wasn't very good at it.
I understand the feeling of being uncomfortable when people start talking about families. I always felt uncomfortable when other kids would talk about their dad. I would feel left out but then I would tell myself that I'm lucky because he is watching and looking out for me all of the time.
If you are quiet, listen and feel, you will know that your mom is there...and the uncomfortableness eventually goes away.
If you ever want to talk, just email me at gmp0109@comcast.net.
Have a good day and be proud of who you are...

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