I am just so lost and lonely

by maria
(durham,nc)

Where did everyone go? Even the ones who have gone through the grieving process aren't there unless to tell me you need to get out. I don't have the emotional effort to get out. I feel like I am the one who has cancer and no one wants to be around me. I don't like being alone. I don't like cooking anymore. I wish it was winter people don't expect you to be out and about. I don't know what to do with my life or my thoughts. Dam I just need a hug and someone to come over and have tea or bring a meal. I feel like I have the plague. I get out 2-4 times a week. But yesterday I just crawled in bed early and cried and have been mostly in bed today. I am not hungry and don't want to eat or cook. so I eat cereal. I have started a weird habit of getting up during in the night and eating. I barely remember it. My counselor says I am trying to comfort myself. I miss my Jimmy, I miss our talks and laughs our kisses. I miss our everything.

Maria in durham,nc

Comments for I am just so lost and lonely

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Jun 02, 2011
Grief Share Group?
by: Dakota Blues

A couple weeks ago I heard about a grief support group called Grief Share. I believe the founder is Zig Ziglar who buried a daughter and in his grief created this 13 week group session for the bereaved. I googled to see what group sessions were avaialable in my area.

I went last Sunday (they are held in churches) and OhMyGosh...I couldn't believe how imformative the video and workbook is. Especially the workbook. I sat down this week to do my "homework" and here is an example of "Talking to God".....

"God, I feel like no one truly understands my loneliness. I feel off balance and falling without the support of my lost loved one. But You have called me to be part of a community and to see life from a greater, eternal perspective. I have to get out there and accept the support that's available. Help me!"

The workbook is jam packed with words of encouragement....

"Expect God to show you that there is Hope."

"If there were no love. There'd be no grief." - Zig Ziglar

You can sign up for daily devotional emails from their website, too. I do believe this soul searching grief study group will definately steer us on the path of..."Your Journey from Mourning to Joy."

One Breath - One Day at a Time. Hugs!!!

Jun 01, 2011
Another North Carolina Sad
by: Anonymous

Maria, I so know how you feel! My husband of 42 years died 3 months ago. I am so glad I found this website because I was really starting to think I was losing my mind! It is sad yet comforting to know that this tide of feelings is "normal". Please try to eat well, exercise and read, read, read. These seem to be the only thing keeping me going! I keep telling myself that a healthier body can handle the stress. I have spent the day researching these sites and grief groups in the area. I know that I must reconnect with the human race in order to heal. I hope you will find the strength to do the same. Just know you are not alone!

May 21, 2011
lost and lonely continued
by: maria

Thank you all for your encouragement. Yes I do have depression. I am in grief counseling. after staying in bed for a day or 2. I got up and took my shower and went out and did some errands. I went out on friday night to some friends house and then went to see one of my friends grandson performance in a singing play. I had fun. I watched a movie today and cleaned a little in the apt. I have 2 cats and they help. Rudy is 5 years old and he is part cat part dog and alot of angel. He comes running in the room when I call him and give me head but and little love bites and of course he will know he gets his belly rubbed then. Ashley is 6 and is the greeter to all. She would lay on my husband Jimmy shoulder like a little baby and now she does that with me.

I have goals that I do everyday. I have a friend coming into town the first of June and we are going to the beach for a few days.Then I am going on vacation with my grandson he is almost 16. I just hope I have enough strength to get through it. here is my email mmr_grinnyus@yahoo.com just let me know your from the grief website. I don't open mail if I don't know where it is coming from. I have been reading the lesson I signed up for. Thanks again hugs to ya's Maria in NC


May 20, 2011
Grief is Lonely!!!
by: Dakota Blues

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my daughter 3 years ago. I am now starting to slowly gain some energy back into my life. I am not setting the world on fire...but taking tiny steps towards living again.

Stage 5 of Grief shows Depression-Reflection & Loneliness. We all have to go through our grief. There is no way around grief but through it. We shouldn't isolate ourselves and yet I did for 3 years. I am thankful to hear you are in counseling. If you trust your counselor...take their advise (as best you can!!) Try a teeny-weenie bit harder, each day, to live?

Like most of the posts here...we need to surround ourself with those who will listen. Support groups or online forums. I think posting on this site helps.... alot.

I believe we will all live through this hell on earth and become stronger. I am not ready to minister to others but that seems to be a common thread for those who are further along than us. HELPING OTHERS HELPS US!!

Take a tiny baby step tomorrow and share it with us!! Hugs~

May 20, 2011
I Know How You Feel
by: Mary

Dear Maria,
I know how you feel.There are times when the loneliness just takes over our live. You feel like no one understands your feeling. I guess people just go on with their own lives,it's not that they forget about us, but they move on and we are stuck. There are days that I just don't leave the house or talk to anyone on the phone. Even family members don't keep in touch as much as the did in the beginning of the terrible grief journey.
Don't get me wrong, I have a wonderful family, but I think because I have always been known as the"strong one", they just figure I am okay, but I am not. I want my life back, I want my husband. I know that can never be and I pray for strength. People say it will get better, but at this point I don't know how that will ever happen. Please, don't feel alone, I know what you are going through. I know we both have to carve out a new life. I wish I could tell you how to do that, but I have no answers. Just know that my feelings are the same as yours and I am sure there are so many others that are going through the same thing. That doesn't make it easier, but we are not alone. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

May 20, 2011
Lost and Lonely
by: Judith in California

Maria, I am a fellow North Carolinian.. I was born and reared in Sanford. Please know people care but those who have never experienced the loss of their love just don't know how to deal with that deep grief you are going through. Those who have can only tell you it takes time and to be precise, only one day at a time , because it's all we can handle. Please read more of the letters from the Lost Spouse/Love Section in here to know you are not alone. I have written many so have Hope, Patricia, Zoe, Trish and many others.
I wish I were there to give you that hug and you hug me. Call someone and let them know . We women were so used to caring for someone else and not ourselves. We have to learn to ask for the help we need , the hugs we need and anything else. No one knows until we ask. Start a journal and write to him every night before you go to bed and talk with God. That helps me in the 8 months of this horrible journey.

My last thought here is that you sound depressed and the eating at night is going to make you gain weight and then that will depress you too. So try not to do that anymore. Cereal is fine just add walnuts and bananas or berries to make it healthy. I do that too.

I still find it hard to cook for my self but I make myself do it
because I need to remain healthy. I have 4 kitties who depend on me. And as much as getting out pains you do it anyway because you need to connect to others and when they ask how you are doing just tell them how you are honestly. We need to reach out.

Please let me know how you are doing if you care to (phone number deleted by editor for safety. You can post an email address or communicate thru comments on the postings).

May 20, 2011
Lost and Lonely
by: M Mack

Maria,

We are always here whenever you need to vent or just want to hear kind words. I have come to this site often and there is always someone to reach out. I understand your loneliness and emotional turmoil and you will have many ups and downs throughout the grief process. People are so afraid to be around those grieving basically they don't know what to say. They don't want to do the wrong thing and come across too harsh. I did not find your other posts and I do not know where you are in the grieving process but give yourself time. This grief belongs to you, and you are the only one who can go with it day by day. It will get better and you will come out of the dark phase. It sounds like you may be depressed. If this is the case, join a counseling group. There are so many others feeling the pain like all of us. At least you can get out and meet others personally in the same place as you are, maybe a cup of tea to share. It will get better. I am in my 10th month of loss and most days this month have been a little better, however I still have my very down days. Know that we are here for you and keep posting. God bless and take care of yourself.

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