I am losing my husband

by Ann
(Buffalo, NY)

This is my third marriage. I was on my own for 10 years before marrying again - I did not expect to and I was enjoying my life. But he was someone I knew in high school and we had shared values. We both thought our relationship was God ordained. We both brought our baggage to the marriage and thought we were on top of things because we knew this and what the baggage was. But psychological problems and anger pulled me away from my husband. I did not know what to do or how to help him or myself. I retreated. A year later - he is now the one wanting out of the relationship. I feel betrayed because I stayed when I should have left and now he wants out. I am 60 years old and the thought of starting over yet again terrifies me. I sold my home; moved across the country; left my friends to come here and be with him. I have no idea how to start again. I am barely functioning. I am trying not to blame as it serves no useful purpose. I need practical solutions. This may sound comical, but I once heard about a woman going through a divorce that went to live with the Amish while she recovered. Oh, I would do that in a minute if it were an option. I just want to go away and heal. I don't know what else to say.

Comments for I am losing my husband

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Oct 17, 2013
Thoughts on Retreat
by: Nat

There are various entities around the country that offer retreat space, and the possibilities can be quite exciting if you can get creative--or connect with someone who is. I know that finances can often be the biggest hurdle, but there also may be a way to work out some of the expense in exchange for service to the facility in some way, especially in trying to arrange some sort of longer "sabbatical" stay over a period of weeks or months. I do know that there have been lay women who live alongside Sisters (nuns) near the Motherhouse of the Dominican Sisters of Sinsinawa in Wisconsin:

https://www.sinsinawa.org/MoundCenter/events_retreats.cfm

More and more communities of Catholic Sisters are exploring options of living in community with or alongside lay women. I can tell you from experience that it is WONDERFULLY peaceful and healing in so many ways. Benedictine communities are also called to a special ministry of hospitality, so perhaps there is another idea to explore. (e.g. http://www.thedome.org/spiritual-enrichment/retreats-and-programs/) Even if you are not Catholic, as long as you are open-minded you will likely get along wonderfully with most any contemporary American Religious Sister.

Oct 04, 2013
I am losing my husband
by: Doreen UK

Ann there is nothing comical about finding a retreat which a place to Heal whether it be Amish or not is immaterial. You need to take time out for yourself and to heal. Then you have to help yourself by NURTURING yourself doing lovely things for yourself each day and build on this. Loving yourself this way is the foundation to Heal. Only then can you recover enough to take the next step. Looking back you survived on your own for 10yrs. You came through this. You can do it again. The mistake is FOCUSING on the problem. Take your FOCUS off the problem and get yourself well first. Next thing is if possible and affordable. Take yourself off to counselling. This is the next stage of your healing. After this you will be able to take on your new restructuring of your life. It will be easier because you will be in a better frame of mind. I have done the counselling in my early 40's. I got my life back in a way that I had never known. My Emotional Healing was so exceptional that I cope better with life and problems that come up. If I have too many problems to deal with. I write them down so I can see them on paper and I prioritise them. What I can't do I leave till later. You should then become a happier person and realise what you have to do to make your future better. Sometimes all it takes is someone coming alongside you and picking you up and telling you. YOU CAN DO IT. I did. If there is a possibility to save your marriage it will happen after counselling, or if your husband wants it enough. I look forward to hearing from you again. Best wishes.

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