I Am Not Living

(Sugar Land, TX)

Seventeen months and two days since you passed away. I am still left with so much grief and some anger. What happened to ...And they lived happily ever after? You PROMISED everything was going to be ok but it wasn't and it isn't. Nothing is all right. I can't move, I can't breathe. I do not live I only exist. My heart so broken and scarred it is a never ending struggle.

The woman you loved, she is gone. She died the day you did. The belief in happiness, in love, in you. You died and as if that was not enough your stupid secrets came out leaving me even more stunned and feeling guilty because I could not save you. Even in death I have stayed faithful and made sure your grave is taken care of. None of your "friends" have even visited you. I make sure you have flowers and maintained. ME, the one who loved you. The one who would have moved heaven and earth to get you help and made sure you stayed alive.

I don't have a clue what the future holds for now I can not see through this heavy fog of grief, it won't move. Hopefully one day I will learn to live again because this existence is really not worth so much. Until we meet again my love...