I am not whole without my soul mate and the love of my life

by Jan
(UK)

11 years ago, I felt blessed because the person I believe I had been waiting for all of my life, walked into my life. It wasn't that easy on both sides, there were so many barriers to get over BUT we loved each other so very much. So much, that I couldn't comprehend another human being loving another person as much as I loved this person. Then came the saddest day of my life, my name was called out with some urgency in the voice, I ran in to find "my life" lying on the floor, I ran over and grabbed the phone and phoned the ambulance, I knelt down and as I did, "my life" raised their hand and I took hold and said "I am here with you, your not alone, I am here" at that moment, I must have blinked and with that fraction of a second, the love of my life had gone, just gone, taken away from me. There was no pain or sound, just the holding of their hand. The pain at that moment was unbelievable, it was like nothing I had ever experienced in my life, the person I loved with all my heart and more, it that is possible had died right in front of me. I thank God that there was no pain at that second that they were taken, the only pain was left in me and is still in me 8 months later. There isn't a day, a moment that goes by without me thinking of them and remembering the wonderful moments we shared, yes, there were negative moments too but the love we had for each other, would always be more powerful than the negative times. I will always for as long as I live, love this person with all my heart, just as much as I did when they were here. My faith is that we will be reunited again, when my time comes and I will live for that day, for I know in my heart that I could not possibly ever love another human being again. I don't want to be on my own forever but what am I supposed to do, it wouldn't be fair to meet someone and only give them part of me and the other part would be loving another, You see the complications that we were faced with, were because we were two women but that shouldn't matter but sadly in life it did. if there is a way to ease my pain, then I am listening..............thank you for taking the time to read this. God gave my woman and I to each other and I will always be eternally grateful for that gift. Jan x

Comments for I am not whole without my soul mate and the love of my life

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Nov 30, 2012
Joyce
by: Anonymous

Hello and thank you very much for commenting on my letter I wrote about my soulmate. 10 and a half months on, the pain is unbearabe and I cry every day for hours, I can't help it because the pain s killing me. I go to church and meditate and it comforts me, My friend was everything to me and I want to get on with life but then I say to myself "what life" I can't comprehend life with out her. My pain is unbearable. I hope your getting there. Please write and let me know how your doing? please

Take care & God bless

Janx

Aug 19, 2012
To Judith In California
by: Doreen UK

Hi Judith,
I really appreciate your post reply to me. It was very encouraging and gives me the strength to go on and support others in pain. It is not a strain to reply. God gave me a gift and I have been using this to His Glory. God says "Go comfort others's with the comfort you have received" this is my mission in life. Jesus came to earth to serve. This is what I was born for. "TO SERVE OTHERS" God gives me the strength to do this. As He puts in to me. It flows out to others. May you Be Blessed Always in life and may all your troubles be small ones. May the sun always shine above you and the wind at your back.
Best wishes. Doreen

Aug 19, 2012
TO DOREEN
by: Judith in California

Doreen, I read all of your wonderful replys to everyone and to me as well and no matter what you to have gone through , you still want to help otheres. I truly believe we are at our best when we serve otheres well both emotionally and spiritually. You have the wisdom of what I call "The Widows Wisdom Club". No one knows what that is until they experience it. It's not what we would wish on anyone much less someone we don't like. I don't , don't like anyone that bad.

I hope you are holding up well and pray for a full life for you.

Aug 19, 2012
Jan
by: Judith in California

Jan, no matter the "difference" in your relationship it still is heartbreaking to loose your life. It's a horrible roller coaster ride this grief. I know in time you will be okay. I too watche dmy husband pass in front of me and all I could do is let it happen. He was slowly going for 3 1/2 years and no matter it still broke my heart for which I'll never recover. Oh, I'll go through the days as much as my new normal allows but I will never replace the emptiness in my sole. I can go on a date but afterwwards still feel more lonely than ever because in my heart I'm supposed to be with my husband. talk about feeling between a rock and a hard place.

I hope as you read some of the blogs here you will find comfort to know you are not alone and will , after being thrown about emotionally in your grief, come out on the peaceful and acceptance side. God bless you and give you strength to endure this pain.

Aug 19, 2012
I am not whole without my soul mate and the love of my life
by: Doreen U.K.

Jan I am sorry for your loss of your partner. It is the worst feeling ever to see the person you love die in front of you. I had to watch my husband of 44yrs. slowly die of cancer over a 3yr. period. He died in front of me and it was devastating even though he was terminally ill. I wasn't prepared for this. I was prepared for a miracle of healing.
Grief is hard. Painfull. Seems to go on forever. Just like you say when you love someone so deeply you can't comprehend ever replacing them. In fact no one could ever replace them. It will take a long long time for you to move forward into any relationship. don't discount your future happiness as only giving half of you to someone else. This is how you feel now because you are grieveing. When healing takes place in you. You could very well feel very different. But you will know. For me I only want companionship to ease my lonliness as I don't want to be a burden to my family. You will get through it but in time. Don't let anyone tell you when your grief should be over. Grief lasts as long as it needs to for everyone. Different for everyone. Take one day at a time to get your head around how you go on from here. Don't think too far ahead. You will only see the mountain you have to climb. Grief this way would swallow you up. Find supportive family and friends to surround you at this time. You will RECOVER IN TIME.

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