I am starting to remember things I had forgotten the year my husband & Mom died.
My husband died March 23. 4 months later my Mom died. I was devastated by the loss of my husband. We were financially almost bk & facing foreclosure when he died due to him being disabled & so many medical bills. My son was in college 21 & my 16 year old daughter was a handful with an older boyfriend & lots of drama. The entire year is now like one long bad dream. I had family & friends to help me, but looking back now I don't know how I did all I did.
Now I'm told I had conversations & saw people at the wakes I have no memories of. I'm starting to remember bits & pieces of things that were said that are just floating in my mind. Some time frames & order of events I'm still unsure of. I believe somewhere along the line I had a nervous breakdown. It has been 13 months since Mom died. 17 months since my husband died. In the year he died, besides their deaths, I had countless fights with my daughter, worried about my son dropping our of school, had to deal with lawyers, insurance agents, trust funds none of which I was familiar, I had skin cancer removed from my once attractive face leaving me with a scar & puffy eye, I found a breast lump (benign) had a dozen car & home issues, packed my house of 9 years up & had an estate sale, moved to a town house. All while grieving, I continued to work only took the designated 3 days for each. I called off 2 or 3 times the entire year. Everyday I woke up crying & came home from work crying. I got very emotionally involved with my closest brother inlaw on top of everything. He was having troubles in his marriage & missing his brother my husband, we were both heartbroken & fell in love. Never intentional all surreal & never consummated (nothing physical) just a pure caring love that was escalating until we ended it. In a way it is another death, because I lost him & his family. My heart cannot seem to heal any of this. I have not been able to accept losing them. I have acquired an obsession. I obsessively email my brother inlaw. Some lovely things, some hateful, all from the pain of losing all of them. I am seeing a shrink, on antidepressants & anxiety pills. I'm only 52 but I don't want to live with out my husband. Losing my brother inlaw Has broken what was left of my heart. In between this I rocked my mother like a baby while she died and after a year I am just now feeling the grief of losing her. It was just all too much. I must add I am not nor have I ever been a person to have any kind of affair. There is/was extreme guilt, shame & denial in the relationship that rose between my brother inlaw & myself.