I am without her
My wife died three months ago today. She was only 53 years old. I am extremely sad and inconsolable. I am without her and I will always be without her. She is not coming back. She was the most courageous loving person I have ever known. She battled leukemia for over ten years only to have a secondary cancer take her life. Life is so unfair. I miss her terribly. I miss her presence, her laugh, her smile, her being. These last three months have been like one uninterrupted cloudy day - a haze of endless hours. I am not suicidal but I would welcome death. I know I am feeling sorry for myself and that’s ok. My wife brought meaning to my life and now that meaning is gone. Our kids would be hurt to hear me say that but that’s how I feel. I love my children and I know they need me and love me. Having them has helped me survive this long but my life still feels meaningless without my wife. The pain never stops. I cry often and I have a hard time to control it if I am in a meeting or having a conversation. I attend a support group and I see a counsellor and just when I think I may be getting better – WHAM! I am so lost and so alone. I am so empty. I know others have gone through this and that knowledge does provide some sort of solace, knowing you’re not the only one but the pain is still so much to bear.