I aspire to be like my father. I am such a bad son

by Usman Ahmed
(Birmingham England)

Hi, I am an 18 year old male currently at my first year of Uni. My father died when I was 11 years of age. Now that I am currently at uni living on my own I've had the opportunity to reflect on my life without my father. In this period of self reflection I have just constantly noticed what bad of son I have become. My father was a caring,loving and honest individual who was strong as stone but still had a heart of gold. My father has installed good morals and work ethics in me, he taught me that there is nothing more important in life than family. I have noticed that as much as father has done for me in the limited years of life god had given him, nothing I ever do would ever even fall in to comparison. All of my life I have aspired to be like my father. I am such a bad son mostly because I never seem to have the time to pray for him. My father has taught me that no matter what life has install for me that I should never give up in praying. I'm such a bad son sometimes I completely forget my father's teachings and moral. I mean I love my father and mother and I feel so guilty that coming such from good parents. I have become such a bad son. I am at my first week at uni, and I promised my mum that I would phone her every day. However Ive never bothered to contact her for 2 days despite what she has done for me. My father loved my mother unconditionally. My father said to me that what ever happens in life never make your mother unhappy or cry of what you have done or become (i.e. don't engage in bad things. My elder sister phoned me today saying that my mum was crying because I have forgotten her within one week, as I never called her or even text her. I feel like I don't deserve to have a mother as I do as she is the best mother a son could ever ask for. I feel like I directly disobeyed my father as he told me to never bring a single tear to my mothers eye. I feel disgusted with the person I have become today and would surely be certain that my father would be disgusted with me too. I would have never got to uni if i never had the support,love and care of my mother and father behind me. God and Dad Plz forgive me

Comments for I aspire to be like my father. I am such a bad son

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Jun 17, 2013
Be positive! Be happy!
by: Siya

Dear Usman,
Try to be positive and to do all you can to make your mother happy, but also to be happy YOURSELF!

The first thing you've got to do is to stop saying you're a bad boy. Just the fact that you care about your parents' feelings means that you are a GOOD person. God created you and gave you the means to be good: You have a good and a sensitive heart! you just have to do your best to be the best person you can be. Try your best and stop culpabilising because God doen't want us to suffer or to do more than we can afford to do!

Tell your mom that you love her and explain your reasons for not calling her and try to text or call her whenever you can but do not feel unhappy or guilty if you fail to do so..
if this happens just call her and explain why and I am sure she will understand!

Making mistakes doesn't make a person bad, we all make mistakes that's part of our nature!
but we are NOT bad by nature, we also have the potential to be good, we just have to choose!

I don't see what Doreen understands from the fact that Usman is muslim or not. all I see is that Usman is a grieving teenager who has lost his father and who is at the same time living a difficult period in his life which is normal given his transitory age(adolescence) and the new life he is going through (his first week at uni)

But I agree with her, nobody has the right to judge anybody! God only has the right to do so!

May God bless you and keep you from grief, for as Doreen said, this is the work of the devil.
By these negative thoughts you're harming yourself and God doesn't want you to harm yourself!
Trust in God and be happy!

Sep 22, 2012
your the best
by: Anonymous

your not a bad son, all i can say is that in life we all make mistakes, and no one is perfect.

Sep 20, 2012
I aspire to be like my father. I am such a bad son
by: Doreen U.K.

Usman, if you are a muslim then I know and understand how you are feeling. I am a Christian who married a muslim but he became a Christian because he liked the fact that Jesus came to die for us because we are by nature BAD. My relatives are muslim and we respect each other's beliefs. The difference between YOU & ME is that Jesus lives in me and HE allows me to take on his righteousness. I don't have any. None of us have any good in us. Jesus says so in his book. NO person on this earth can claim to be a good person. Only GOD is GOOD. Your sister has no right to put pressure on you. Your sister has no right to judge you. GOD IS YOUR AND OUR JUDGE. we Live in a sinfull fallen world and this is why we need God every day. We will fall down one day. But we don't give up. Make a timetable. On this you put the time you will call your mother and anyone else you need to. You explain to your mother and sister that your studies are hard and you need time to concentrate and tell them not to pressurise you. Tell them how much you love them. But show it also by making a little effort to see them or talk to them. Otherwise if you lost your mother you would feel GUILTY. Live with less REGRETS. WE all live with regrets. But now is the time we can all change what we do so we will live with less regrets. Stop saying you are a Bad Son. Just because you forget to do some things. Life is tough today for young people going to University. People are under more stress and pressure. More demands are made on family members. My husband used to feel the same way. His brother's would make him feel bad if he didn't do what they wanted. This is wrong. This is manipulation. Control. You can emulate much of your family values. But adopt some of your own. You are a unique person. A person in your own right. VALUE yourself. Start speaking POSITIVE about yourself and not NEGATIVE. God is your creator. You are YOUNG. You lost your father at a young age. I hope you had support from your family to help you through this. Best wishes in your studies. Go on to be successful. As you mature in life you will find yourself feeling differently about yourself and life. But you must build yourself up. Don't tear yourself down. This is the work of the devil. Don't let him win. I live in England also. My husband used to work in Birmingham. But he has since died from cancer. I started to feel lonely and was unhappy and neglected by my children and was probably just like your mum wanting you to call her. this doesn't make you a bad person. otherwise my children would be bad. But they have their own lives to live, and us parents have to let them go on to live their own life. BE HAPPY!. BE PROUD OF YOURSELF NOW AND ALWAYS.

Sep 19, 2012
Not true
by: Anonymous

Im writing to your comments to being a bad son. It's not true. Not to long ago I lost my mom, I thought I was a bad daughter, a woman told me that's part of grief. The feelings you feel are all In the grieving process. I still go through the same feelings of worthlessness. It's all a part of grieiving and i hope you see that too. I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you can find your inner self that dosnt feel that that's true, soon.

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