I cannot believe my dad's no longer on this earth!

I lost my Dad on May 13th 2014. He was only 63 & gone to hospital to have a straight forward procedure- unfortunately he developed infection & then got very sick & had a heart attack. I live in UK & he lived in India. I flew to India & saw him get better initially, he managed to come off the ventilator, was alert & talking on the ward Eventhough physically still very weak. I flew back thinking he was on the road to slow recovery. He detoriated again & died within a day & half of me returning to UK. I was in the 7 the month of my pregnancy during all this. I couldn't fly back immediately untill I got a fitness to fly certificate. I couldn't attend his funeral as we cremate as soon as possible in India. I did go back to attend his hindu last rites 10 days after his death which provided some kind of closure. Over the last few years since I had my son who is now 2 & 1/2 yrs old I had grown very close to my dad. We would video chat everyday. My son was the centre of his universe. Sometimes I feel he got better only to see his beloved grandson for one last time... We couldn't take him to ICU, that's probably why he pulled through to be well enough to come back to the ward.... On one hand I am glad I was there with him what ended up being the last days of his life... On the other hand it's so hard to believe he no longer here.... He along with my mum were supposed to come to UK end of this month to help me with the birth of this baby I am currently carrying.... I still remember him asking his Doctor, will I be better by June 26th, I need to go to Uk to help my daughter.....
At times I feel sad for the little boy I am carrying- his big bro was adored by his grandpa, he will never experience the same love...
At times I can't believe he's no longer on this earth, I expect a call from him, I look at his Facebook page for updates, I check my email for his emails..... My mum's using his number now, I still have number stored as 'Dad' with a pic of him with my son- everytime I call now I expect to hear his voice.
At times I feel guilty- maybe he would have not gone in to have his procedure at the time he did if it wasn't for me needing help during delivery.....
I wish I could go back in time & tell him not to have the procedure....
My dad was not the demonstrative type with emotions.... When I left the first time I onmy told him please look after himself & concentrate on getting better & stronger- do physio & mobilise as the Dr's were suggesting.... Wish I knew that was the last time I was seeing him & instead I could tell him how much I loved him & how grateful I was to have him as my Dad.... He was the perfect Dad in so many ways....
Sadly we can't go back in time.... The void he's left in my life is so huge, I wonder wether the pain will ever ease..... When I have my baby, I know I will miss him even more- the images of him buzzing with excitement when he first came to see my older son in hospital will keep coming back....

Comments for I cannot believe my dad's no longer on this earth!

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Jun 16, 2014
Thanks
by: Nav

Thanks Maggie
Yea I am trying to console my family as I have younger sister who was such a pet of my father. I stand up thinking that he is watching over and I will do every possible thing to keep my family happy. He is helping us to be strong. And the biggest wish of any father is to see his family happy.. so I believe he is always near and will laugh when we will .. my love and thoughts are with you.. lets keep him happy..

Jun 14, 2014
I am so sorry!
by: Maggie

Nav,

I wish I knew what to say to you, except send you a *big hug* .... Yes in some ways our world as we knew it has ended.... Not being able to go to funeral is hard - it's hardest thing about living away from family- visas, flights, travel time- we are too far away in an emergency .... But like one friend told me "your dad will be always with you, no longer in a form you knew, but in a form where visas & flights don't separate you"
It's been a month now & i still miss my dad everyday- sometimes wake up in the night thinking it is just a nightmare- but then remember, no actually it's true & feel sad...

I try to think what my dad would have wanted me to do if we had a chance to say goodbye.... And try to fill my mind with positive memories & encouragement my dad has provided me over the years.... It's still hard, but hoping it will help me heal slowly....

Jun 12, 2014
our grief is same....
by: nav

It seems you are saying my words.. my dad was 62 years. And had a minor surgery then developed infection and had septecemia which turned out fatal. I live in canada and my family is in india too. It was the worst day of 26 may which took my dad away from me.. I could not reach at funeral because it took time get visa for my daughter. She is 2year and 4 months.. my dad was my best friend and so of my daughter.. I talked to him on 23rd may and he was all well and I asked them to get fit soon and come to live with us for sometime. 18 days are passed but I am still on the same place..looking at all things related to him. Phone rings but there is no dad.. feel so bad for my mom.. I am feeling like the world is going to end...I dont know what to do..

Jun 07, 2014
I'm sorry
by: Anonymous

My heart breaks for you and the loss of your father. I lost my father in January 2013-he died suddenly, and there was no chance to say goodbye, I also cannot believe that my beloved father is gone. There is not a day that I don't think about him. He loved being a Grandpa, and my children miss him terribly. I can't offer you any great advice, because I am still struggling myself. I can tell you that your father will always have a place in your life, and his spirit and love will forever be in your heart. I will keep you in my thoughts. Wishing you peace, comfort and hugs, Barb

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