I can't believe he's gone

by Katie
(UK)

Last Thursday my Dad went to the pub and never came home, he'd had a heart valve replaced four years ago and was very very poorly with that but pulled through and made a good recovery. Now I'm very glad that after his op he grabbed life with both hands because last week sitting at the bar he had a heart attack and never regained conciousness, its exactly the way he'd want to go but not yet. He was just 63, looking forward to walking me down the aisle (I got engaged in September), would hopefully have made a brilliant Grandad and had many many plans with my mum. I've spoken to his cardioloigst whose given me a few reasons why this might have happened but I still can't believe it and it seems so unfair, it might have 'just happened' from the previous damage right up to it could have been a clot from the flight he'd just been on, I'm really hoping it wasn't that, that would have been so unlucky, he was on blood thinning medication and had talked the airline into upgrading him and my mum so they had flat beds on the flight, (it was their 40th Wedding Anniversary holiday of a lifetime) and had walked around a lot on the 8 hour trip. We'll never know, we decided against a post mortum, my mum and my aunties didn't like the thought and we all agreed it won't bring him back. Whatever the cause I'm heartbroken and so is my mum, I'm trying to hold it together to support her but its so hard and we've cried together many times, I feel so so sad for my Dad, he wasn't ready to go and would have fought it if he could, my wedding will be very different now, I miss him so much xxx

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Nov 28, 2012
Thank you for your comments
by: Katie

Thank you so much for your comments, I'm being more and more amazed how many people are feeling this pain. We've made it to nearly two weeks, got through the funeral and starting to adapt to our new life but I'm still struggling to believe this is real and keep expecting my dad to walk through the door. I hope your pain gets easier, my heart goes out to you both xx

Nov 25, 2012
I know how you're feeling - stay strong
by: Becca

Hi Katie, I've seen that you've written a comment on my post and I've just come across yours. I'm sorry for your loss - it's so difficult to lose your Dad. I go over what happened to my Dad time and time again, as it sounds you do too, it's just so hard to process. I lost my Dad 3 months ago now and it still hurts, I have good and bad days (today's been a bad day) but I promise you it does get better. I can't imagine the pain will ever go away but we'll learn to live with it. Whilst your Dad won't be there on your day I'm sure he'll be there in sprit and that you and your family will find a special way to make him part of your special day. All the best to you and your family. Becca x

Nov 25, 2012
I can't believe he's gone
by: Doreen U.K.

Katie I am sorry for your loss of your Dad and for losing him before your wedding. I am sorry for your Mum's loss of a husband.
I lost my husband of 44yrs. marriage 6 months ago to cancer. He died a slow painful death and I nursed him with a broken heart. He looked so sad all the time wondering what it was like to die? When he was going to die? Was it painful? etc. I think my Steve would have liked to have died in the pub. At his wake I had it in the pub with all his work colleagues there and it was a great send off. Only thing I can't tell Steve how good it was and how much he was loved by everyone. That is the sad part. Steve was 65yrs. and looking forward to his retirement. it broke his heart to lose this time he had earned by working hard for the last 47yrs.
It is like you say. The pain of not walking you down the aisle. Not seeing grandchildren. No more family gatherings. Still a young age to lose your Dad. Your Mum is in the same place as me. Grieving the loss of a husband. This is so very hard to cope with.
I hope you all will find the strength to support each other in the days and weeks ahead and get to the other side of Healing from your loss.

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