My dad died March 21, 2011. He had been battling parkinson and when he came to visit me on Sept 1st 2010 he was going to stay for a month and then go home. He had some problems and we found out that he had bladder cancer. I thought if the doctors took out his bladder we would be ok. He was in and out of the hospital and then rehab. He was with me for 3 1/2 months. He went to live with my sister and she took care of him for 3 1/2 months. She called me a week before he died to come that he wasn't doing good. We were with him all day every day in the hospital. We spoke to him - he spoke to us. We stayed with him and then he died. I can't believe he isn't here anymore. His brother had died in April 2010, his sister had died Dec 2010 and now him. My brother in law father lost his wife of 33 years in Oct 2010. He was my dad's friend - everyone looked shell shocked. I could talk to him about anything - I thought that we would get a few more years together. I didn't want to believe that he was as sick as he was. I wish I could go back. My heart is broken.
It was just a bit over 2 weeks ago, May 15th 2011. Everyday I feel like an actor going through a script of what used to be my life.
People try to be nice, they offer their own losses. I sometimes find myself offended, as if they are trying to take something away from me. I try to remember it's painful for them as well, so I try to listen but when they talk, I don't hear a word they say. The entire time thinking about my father and my regrets.
Many things seem so petty to me now, money and material things. Only the things I know he loved have any value.
My heart is broken and I dont want it to heal. I dont want to feel better. It seems as soon as I start to smile, I think of my father and I feel as though I cant smile anymore. It's not what he would want and I know that. My father loved me I have no doubt about that. I just wish I would've taken the time to tell him how much I have always loved him through my entire life. I wasted so much time, so many years. You can't imagine what I would give to have just one minute with him now.
So Sad... by: Anonymous
My father passed away unexpectedly on March 21, 2011 also. I talked to him minutes before he died. I told him he had the flu because he was not feeling well for a couple of days prior to his death. The day he passed away I told him he should see a doctor and my sister went over to check on him. She found him outside , the paramedics were working on him. We think he might have been trying to go to the store. We will never know. We both feel so much guilt for not getting him to a doctor. I can't believe he is just gone forever. I feel so isolated and alone although I am not. I have guilt and just pure sadness and what feels like a hole in my heart. My heart just aches constantly. I feel like everyone thinks I should move on and pull myself together. I feel like so many people don't understand. This is a natural part of life but doesn't feel as though it should be. Too painful:( It helps to read that other people are going through the same feelings as I am.
bless you by: Judith
I'm sorry to hear of your loss. My husband had parkinson's and it was a rough road. He began falling after diagnoses 3 and a half years ago and fell and fractured his skull. Then it was all downhill from there. He succumbed to pneumonia and died 9-14-10. When a person has PD they get weaker with each trauma that happens to them. My husband had 3 surgeries and each time he became less able to do. Most people don't die of PD but from complications of other illnesses that they don't have the strength to fight.
His kids let me do all the work and never lifted finger to help. God bless you for caring for him.
it is hard... by: Tony
I can`t believe my Mom died February 1st either, still in shock and crying too. Life is hard for survivors, and that`s what we are. I feel lost stressed, upset, then I forget it all and actually smile. My Mom and your Dad are at rest, you and your family are 3 times hurting and in shock and grieving. It will take lots of hugging and loads of time to get at some point in your life to put everything in perspective. It will be 2 months this friday since my Mom died, and feel bad again. I want to hug you in your grief, bye. Tony
