I can't cope any more

by jennifer

6 years ago I fell and sustained a double fracture to my femur and was told I might never walk again. I did walk. But while I was in rehab - for 10 months, the college I was teaching at was sold. Even though I went back to teaching, in a wheelchair, six months after the fall, my boss "forgot" I was there and I did not get the package the other instructors did. In fact, I had to retain a lawyer to get anything. My new management team told me: "As far as we're concerned, you don't exist" and these were the people that saw my attendance slips and signed my cheques! My lawyer did get me something: about 1/3 of what I should have got. But no more teaching. And that had been my passion and pride for over 20 years.

Next a very nasty, very ex supplier, whom I had paid off in full two years earlier, tried to blackmail me into paying more. When I said "No", he crashed my website (I'm a writer) and destroyed all the samples of my work I had built up over the years. So there went my business. It took three years to restore even part of that.

I got seriously depressed - no wonder! Had treatment and, after that was done - my closest friend, someone I'd known for over 30 years, walked out on me, because "no-one (she) knew had depression."

Fast-forward three years: last year my husband of 30 years had a catastrophic stroke and has been living in a long-term care home ever since. I posted about this here last year. This was the most devastating blow of all.He was, and still is, the love of my life. But he's not really my husband any more. Brain damaged. Aphasic. Completely paralyzed down his right side. He can never come home again. So I'm living in the apartment we used to share, along with the ghosts of a good life past. I have no family, he's it. His two daughters rarely go to see him, they buy him things instead. As for me, I'm the second wife, so I'm utterly abandoned. We don't get together as a family any more, haven't since last Christmas and I really don't want to see them. Too hurt.

I sued the clinic where I had the fall and, six years later, was awarded a TINY settlement. My lawyer took the case on contingency and told me he'd charge me 30% But, once the case was settled, he ended up with 59%, part of which was going to the health service. This had never been mentioned to me, neither had the fact that I also had to shell out for his "disbursements " which have never been itemized. And I still haven't seen any money two months later.

After my husband's stroke, I discovered that he'd maxed out about 15 different credit cards, so I've had that to deal with too.

The grand total: Husband - gone. Teaching career - gone. Business - gone. Savings - gone. Pensions - gone - to pay off his debts. And I'm still getting calls from the banks.
Family - non-existent. Friends - some - but they have their own lives. Apartment - subsidized, but I don't know for how long.

Life - simply not worth living. Why bother going on?.

Comments for I can't cope any more

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Jan 30, 2014
Don't know why I bothered
by: jennifer

It's been close to two years now since my lovely, vibrant, intelligent husband had a stroke that turned him into my 6 year old son, living in a long-term care home.

I posted in 2012 and again in 2013, about everything else that had hit subsequently. Now, it's 2014 and my year started with a bang - literally. I had a terrible fall (again!) outside my apartment building on December 19. "This resulted in multiple fractures and severely cracked ribs. I spent 6 weeks in hospital and rehab and got home earlier this week to discover my apartment is infested with bed bugs. I'm sure you all know what that entails! Instant melt down. And complete conviction that someone up there truly hates me. I'm facing several days in a hotel, while my place is fumigated, and also the possibility of my seventh hand surgery as the fractures there haven't healed.

Last year I said I couldn't cope. This year I KNOW I can't.


Oct 03, 2013
I can't cope any more
by: Doreen UK

Jennifer I am really so very sorry to hear how desperate you feel right now being in such a desperate situation. Almost as if your back is against the wall and you don't know where to turn. You have such an immense load to carry. I almost wish I was there in person to sit with you and support you through it all. Having personal support right now would be so beneficial for you. You have been sinking in all these problems for so long that I guess you are tired of swimming through it all and it isn't getting any better. When banks are calling you then it feels as if it is the end of the world. Are you responsible for your husbands debts? I don't know how the law stands even though it is changing all the time. I live in the UK. I know that we used to have a supportive system of care which is now changing. Many people here are now with a debt agency. My daughter gets phone calls all the time. She lost her job and without work for 2 years she still had to live and pay her bills and then got into debt this way just living from day to day. She has 6 yrs. to pay this off. But I fear when I die how will she be. I know you feel like giving up thinking what is the point of living? for What! when all you have is so much sorrow. You can only do so much. You have your limitations. I don't know how to advise you. But you need professional support either from a counsellor who will be sympathetic and perhaps offer you the support you need by putting you in touch with the right people. When I did voluntary work for a Mental Health Charity I worked for counsellors and many clients were well supported even with accommodation etc. Just don't keep things to yourself as it will be worse. More than anything I want you to Live and get your life back. Please write back with updates. I remember you from last year and it is good to hear from you again.

Oct 03, 2013
I can't cope any more
by: Doreen UK

Jennifer I am sorry for all your losses in life and what you are still going through. Up to a point you have OVERCOME all these setbacks. BUT. You have had one too many and this is what is causing you to stay down and not feel like getting up.
What you have gone through would make anyone WANT TO GIVE UP!. BUT YOU DIDN'T. The last straw for you was losing the husband as you knew him. You have debts to clear that is another hindrance. You can go to a debt agency for advice and perhaps go into voluntary Bankruptcy since these debts are not yours but in essence you are being made to pay as part of a couple. Don't lose your MOTIVATION. Keep fighting on. Try and not FOCUS on all the other things that have gone wrong. Focus on just one good thing that has come your way out of your many tragedies and built on this. Keep building till you get your dreams back and your life. You are a writer. No one can take this talent and skill from you. Build it up again. You succeeded in not letting that blackmailer get one over you. He may have destroyed some of your work. But he didn't destroy you. YOU ARE STILL STANDING. He will get his bad luck one day for doing what he did. Concentrate on one day at a time on restructuring your life and your career as a writer. I had many tragedies. God turned my tragedies into triumphs. See if you can do the same. Turn your tragedies into triumphs. Show yourself that you only give up when you die. I always remember a quote that has helped me. "A QUITTER NEVER WINS." & "A WINNER NEVER QUITS." Go on to be a Winner. You can do it. Best Wishes.

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