I cant do this anymore,
Cody my husband passed away on Jan 16th - Its about to be 3 months and I just cant take it anymore. I miss him so much.
He passed away when I was 7 months pregnant, our son was born March 17th and its been so difcult to enjoy him because Cody is no longer with me.
Cody and I were together 4 years, we were young and in love. He was killed shot - His life was taken from him, age 21 years old. We had just gotten married on April 16 2011 and we had just bought our first home together that same year and found out we were expecting our first child.
Our life was perfect- We were ready to start our own little family,. we were happy looking forward to this year 2012 bringing us all good things. Now I have to spend our one year wedding anniversary alone.
I cant do this, I cant take the pain of not having him around, I dont think I can be a good mother to our newborn. He needs me so much but Im so broken so unhappy so depressed, I find myself on the floor crying and screaming.
I had to sell my house and move in with my father in law. I have nothing anymore - Im so lost. Cody was my everything. Ive known him for 6 years ever since I was 14 years old, he was my first and only Love- He taught me so much and was so full of life and energy - always had a plan.
He is what kept me together, he is the person that made me happy, happier then ever.
I am 20 years old, with a newborn and I just lost my husband and its not fair we just started out- we had so many things to still do we had so many plans for the future we had more children to have. Now theres nothing. My future feels empty- Im scared of what to do, Im scared to fail as a mother.
How can my son be happy if I cant, he sees me cry all day, break down and scream.
Where was god when Cody was shot? WHERE??? your not suppose to die at age 21!! There was too much life to still live.
I WANT TO DIE AND BE WITH CODY - BUT I CANT I HAVE A SON TO TAKE CARE OF. How do I do this, I CANT I CANT I CANT.
It hurts so bad.
I miss you Cody, I miss you so much - I love you always have and always will; you were so beautiful and perfect to me.